" I saw a plane today flying low over the land.
But my mind was somewhere else."

----Laurie Anderson

Call it mystical design & kiss liped magic smooth skin to crashing hips overdew.
Withdrawn now for over a year.
I breathe in, missing parts
erase in their delicate precision.
like the lines of my hands
telling secrets only someone else could understand.
Eyes closed
speaking some lost language that only 2 mouths together can speak.

......

"If wishes were stars, there would be no night." - -j.aaron board
......

Before that it was friday...

Yummy Tai food , Queen of the damned & Dragonfly . not so yummy.
Queen of the damned was just a bit to pop-goth- rock I'm too cool for school in its attitude & presentation that At times made me ill. I assumed Dragonfly wouldn't be very good , but it was starting next & I had time to kill with no expectations. 2 for 1 special.
Everyone disses Kevin Costner so bad these days.
I wonder when diss or dissed will make it in the dictionary.
I love Laurie Anderson.
Then watched David Lynch's "On the Air" episode 1 @ Monte's friday night & then
one of my favorite foreign movies... "After Life" .
I've written about it before on my web site , but watching it again & my friend Sam sending me a personality survey that asks about your most memorable moments of your life.
Which is what after life gets you to do ...

In Star Trek "Insurrection" the people have an almost buddhist approach to living life. Being aware & more alive in the moment. NOW.
They say in the movie it takes several of our lifetimes to master.
They give up their technology & live simply.
They gave up traveling the heavens.
"We realised that there are more worlds in the here & now to discover than in all the heavens." I'm naturally a very deep person. And this really struck me hard , deeply , & profoundly. It's so buddhist. Taking everything in. That there is more to discover in the simple moments we live in everyday. More depth. In the movie the present they experince actually slows down, so they are able to take it MORE .

Have you ever experienced , as they say, a "perfect moment" ?
Where you sense how special "NOW" is while it is happening, as almost magical.
Or at least nostalgic memorable. Awed by it.
After which we sometimes say " I can die now."
I remember saying "I can die now." After the very first time I saw Siouxsie & the Banshees many years ago. Mindblowing Diva , stage presence that she is.

But what moments of your life would you want to live in forver....
When I've watched After Life, the following have come to mind.....
The first time I saw it.

1999.
Loden about age 4 1/2 . Perhaps about 5.
He and I were in my living room building with tinkertoys & lincoln logs.
All kinds of crazy contraptions we were building together.
Just like i did hundreds of times when i was his age.
And we're goofing off , making really wacky tinkertoy gizmos, making them flip & turn & such. And Loden makes 2 drum sick mallets with the tinkertoys & turns the cans for the tinkertoys & lincoln logs over & starts drumming all fast & furious.
I quickly put together me a pair of mallets & begin to play along.
We jammed , drumming on the empty cans for like 20 minutes.
........

I remember all these moments as a child playing pretend.
Strange games with invisible electric walls to mark the area not to get out of.
All kinds of rules for the game.
One time I played all day with friends in a hugely wooded, overgrown, muddy ditch.
I went home filthy. Covered head to toe in mud.
......

when i was 3 or 4 [1974] me and my parents went on these long driving trips.
My sister whose 6 years younger wasn't born yet.
We drove alot @ night , my dad had a white Monte Carlo,
I wanted him to have a green mustang like a teenage boy up the road.
You know that area behind the back seat , where the speakers are,
@ the back glass....
I would lay across that area , across the width of the car.
i was small enough to fit perfectly , without bending my knees.
Back then parents weren't as worried about strapping kids in & all that.
i would put my cheek against the cold glass [rear window] and get a bit of
a view of the stars above.
I would stay there for what seemed like all night.
Staring at stars for hours.
I dont remember thinking anything at all. Just wonder.
So many stars on deserted highways.
I've always like astronomy.

.....

In 1985 , 11th grade i believe it was. We had a new girl , who was a friend of a friend show up in our French class a few weeks after school had started.
By the end of the day every boy in school was talking about this new exotic , drop dead beautiful , punkish girl . She turned up in my French class that afternoon.
We became friends. And like every boy in school , fell heavy for her.
I came to learn of her much older bad-boy , boyfriend. Grew to hate him as the object of my object of my affection. "He's too old for you". all that. He was the only person she had ever dated . So long time boyfriend.
[He & I a year or so later became good friends & still are today by the way.]
But,one day..
All the winners of the school science fair all went to the state science fair trip @ Mississippi State University to compete. I think I did mine of Psychic powers that year.
Another year was "Life on Mars". Another year, "abnormalities of the human brain.
Our school won more awards than any other school. We were a new artsy "Alternative High School", [for smart kids not reject "alternative" schools.] kind of like Montesorri for big kids. I won a pretty high up place got to go to the regional science fair.
So we were all stoked about winning it so big.

I sat by Kathy on the bus , on the way home late that night.
Very cool.
She got the coolest music from her boyfriend.
She had a walkman with 2 headphone jacks so we both listened to it @ the same time.
Pitch black travelling.
The tape was better than any music I had heard. I had loved the early MTV days with all the british videos. Men @ Work, Men Without Hats, Talking Heads, the Police.
But on this tape was more obscure than what I'd been exposed to.
Some rarer, cooler Human League, Billy Idol, Falco, Siouxsie & the Banshees ,
Psychedlic Furs & ULTRAVOX.
We had my jacket over us cause it was chilly. A bit scrunched down in the seat.
And over the course of the beautiful Ultravox songs. His passionate voice, great songs about love & closeness & such....
Under the cover of my jacket & dark , we held hands ...
& listened to the tape. U2's "Two hearts beat as one." , Modern English "Love breaks down", Slyfox "lets go all the way", B-52's "Strobelight", Billy Idol "Eyes without a Face."
With the most beautiful & exotic & only punk girl I had ever known.
I was living this teenage boy dream . Just holding her hand.
Sweaty palms.
It changed my idea of music. Of love. Of life.
I will never forget that night.
Her boyfriend made me a copy of that tape, and weeks later she had broken up with the boyfriend & we started dating.
Which all led to me picking up the whole Alternative look & love of music back then , among other things too.
We broke up & dated many other times the next few years and shared a few other perfect moments.
But that virginal , adrenaline feed night , listening thru those headphones, holding her forbidden hand.
She was engaged with him @ the time, waiting for her to graduate high school.
I'll never forget that night.

__________________________________________________________

The Singular is Plural. The Plural is Singular. (prose)

If we ARE all connected, then to a certain extent there is only one entity alive.
Global brain, gaia, borg, one with the universe, nirvana, whole systems theory, etc... We use different terminology that comes with it certain dogmatic principles. But stripped clean to simplicity, they are not that different. What one calls faith can be science and vice versa. Aspects of Understanding truth takes an almost infinite number of forms. None of what you said is strange at all. There is nothing unnatural. There is only a natural more or less common. It can all be part of the scientific psyche. Our connection to external forces simply go beyond what we currently understand about how our psyche connects. No matter how impossible it seems, our psyche can process it into language we try to make sense of. There is nothing mystical, we only interpret as unknown voodoo we cannot explain yet.
it doesnt mean it doesnt exsist, only we lack the proper understanding of its natural order. it seems the things that freak you out, I get ammused by. Simply find interesting, get what I can from them, and leave the rest behind.

My best friends generally are atheist or agnostic or gnostic. I was once a very negative person. For myself life was too short for such dwellings. I changed 100%.
Over my natural inclination for such things (like yourself) I have studied, I have delved into all mannor of stimuli to tap into glimpses of altered consciousness. In these altered states the mind can offset placement, perspective, point of reference, give a glimpse into our own personal and philospical language that we call self. The process of leaving one self, stepping aside, such as doctor proclimations as misfires. The brain's chemistry falling of track, rerouting the system temporarily.
I am very intereted in subconscious/unconscious workings of the brain. Certainly chemical imbalance can cause much distress and unhappiness and have harmful consequences. Its difficult to keep ones self in check during such alienation. One must be able to mentally "surf oneself". To get on top the confusion and weird , turn off everything, and simply ride.
You are there on top, timing it out.
No worries. You'll try to make sense of it later down the line. You just have to be careful of oneself when there, you have to ride it, not let it ride you.
The overwhelming sense of chaos and disorder can reveal glimpses into aspects of yourself which have yet to be unlocked.
Most people never have that opportunity, nor or they open to it.
What we make of things is the important thing. It's quite logical and learned. Trying to understand whats not worth bothering with, and (fight club) "let that which does not matter, TRUELY slide". And appreciating whats their to appreciate, NO MATTER how they happen to come to you.
So you dont remember to much from the month of your birth ?

I too have had only a handful of truly unique experiences. One was merely a dream after an experience , .... sort of a mental followup I suppose. I mind unlocking my person code of meaning, symbolism, understanding, etc... One I taken outside of time, I could see how it worked from the outside.

They were so powerful they would change me. I had such clarity for many moons. They would eventually fade into everyday occurance. Years would pass, I would have another some sort of inspirational ephiphony, that would come on like a some sort of psychic message from some other aspect of a more advanced version of myself.
Sometimes it was a connection through what can only be described as former and future incarnations of myself.
I seemed to have broken that barrier in some brief instant.
The feeling that those experiences would leave on me would stay longer. The revelations learned through those satori(s) I saw meaning in, in everyday life.
And now, I have experienced enough to know what I know.
And be open to life. The fleeting moments of intensity are our personal unconsciousness revealing our personal soul fuel. I no longer need a strike upside the head to fuel my being. My eyes open, my walk balanced.
The more I am this way, the more my psyche and own personal savior unveils itself. We have a nice dialogue. I think much of the symbolism in my dreams are a bit silly and ego-filled purposeful complex, but thats part of me too. Kind of like those silly rubics cube boxes in hellraiser. I tell my unconscious, enough with the smoke & mirrors. Its good for the oooooos and ahhhhhhs though. Like a magic show, "gentleman and gentleman, I give you the true nature of yourself..."
Puff....
Don't let your scientific ego keep you from what you tell yourself is dopey and cheesy and inspirational.
A little mental masterbation never hurt no one and it feels good.
Find pleasure in the ride.
Many connections are merely momentary and meaningless.
They are just you appreciating its simplicity.

Your own seriousness can be too controlled by ego.
Its not about you, its about seeing and experiencing the connections we all share.
Its not at odds with your logic. We must be logical.
Its hard to know the difference between logic and doubt and the melu of whether proof is what its about versus continuing the journey, to continue the journey.
Such head games are only fueled by self-doubt and insecurities.
Dont get caught up in it, let it all slide.
Relax. uncomplecate. If it makes no sense then dont bother trying to make sense of it.
See where the day takes you.

Its all good. If you dont have the words, thats ok.
Things change. No need to keep looking back trying to make sense. look forward and new connections to that old self will happen. The ever evolving you is exactly what it needs to be. right where you are sitting now.
No need for want of a road map. Listen deep. See the world around you abit slower.
(my nerd cap goes on) Like they say in Star Trek Insurrecion : "there are more universes in the here and now than in all the heavens."

Its all going to be ok.
Whether its a brain tumor, or some other mental misfire or inability to function as what most call "normal".
I certainly dont connect with the masses at large.
As a 13-14 year old I would suppose to all my friends ala. Dr. Seuss, how we were all just some dust spec on the back of some grand toliet in the shithouse of life. And the bugger's diaretic. So i know I was always weird. I've just blossomed into a true freak in the freakdom.
Our own psyche will give us those hints that seem over complicated. We are the programmer. i am totally not about organized religion of any kind.
Dont concentrate on the vagueness of past experience.
You can daydream slumming through nostalgia so as to see how one is different now. but dont let that be your guiding force. The here & now of you knows your language better.
Get your personal fuel where ever you can.
If you dont understand it, forget it now, do not dwell on it another instant. Another january awaits to revail herself to you, as soon as your mind thinks your ready to handle it. Not before. If you cant come to grips with it, its not meant to be boxed. Its merely a glimpse of your personal truth.
Donnie Darko is a personal favorite. I was even told, dude, thats the most and weirdest "herman movie" I have ever seen. Alot of depth there.
if it seems like more, than it is.
You only have your own internal sensors to interpret what you do or do not get out of anything.
The more you appreciate and share (connect with others), the more you can appreciate and share.

I totally believe in Synchronicity. I'm a big Jung fan. I got into him when the Police album came out in the 80s. Be it karma, luck, positive thinking or fate... The christians call it God's plan, or divine intervention.
The buddhists believe nothing happens by accident.
Whatever happens, happens for a reason.
Its all good.

Truth is relative to what I get out of it. I have seen several anti-urantia propaganga things before. Thats the first MK ULtra one with Charlton Heston voice as god.
It's the searching for what bits ring true to oneself that is important. Nothing in this world is unaffected by human hands.
"Don't Believe in Anything" - The Psychedelic Furs

"Nothing is True. Everything is permissible."

http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/~dumber/ed.htm

No belief should be held on so tight as to be unable to undo it in the potentiality of all things.

Its not just about respecting others belief to believe whatever they want. To merely say nothing is absolute
isn't just about politically aware equality or scientific per se.

I generally think of all dogma as largely brain candy.
So specifics of rite, ritual, fact from some essene scroll, learning, experience, prophecy, whether of not Christmas is a pagan rite.
While I see truth in gnosticism, the one track accumilation of knowledge can be blinding. Whereas the pursuit itself can keep one from doing anything with said knowledge, except collect and regurgitate it into a vast warehouse of ego.

I find just as much noble effort in no mind, hypnogogia, sub/un-conscious, and how such things effect our perceptions.

So it is entertaining to see how in so many different ways people touch on truth, and at what point they get stuck. Whether or not spiritual and religious beliefs are true are not, are JUST as UNimportant to me as whether some fiction like the Matrix is "literally" real. Its all aspects that can be a conduit for bits of truth. I enjoy thought provoking anything, I enjoy it deeply.

I lost my great NEED for anything some time ago.
"I am what I am" as pipe tootin Popeye said.
An influx of new ideas helps us center ourselves and continually develop our personal filter by which we discern the possibility of this influx of new knowledge. We learn how it is true, and how it is not true. Whether thats my (mis?-)education thru Dianetics, UFO's, gnosticism, or experience.

I'm not looking for a guidebook. I file it in the footnotes as reference in my own unwritten self-guided tour of absolution and being.

"All that is not given is lost." - Hasari Pal

Ø        Marriage 'tames' geniuses, criminals
> From correspondents in Paris
> July 10, 2003
>
> CREATIVE genius and crime express themselves early in men but both are turned
> off almost like a tap if a man gets married and has children, a study says.
> Satoshi Kanazawa, a psychologist at the University of Canterbury in New
> Zealand, compiled a database of the biographies of 280 great scientists, noting
> their age at the time when they made their greatest work.
> The data remarkably concur with the brutal observation made by Albert
> Einstein, who wrote in 1942: "A person who has not
> made his great contribution to
> science before the age of 30 will never do so."
> "Scientific productivity indeed fades with age," Kanazawa says. "Two-thirds
> (of all scientists) will have made their most
> significant contributions before their mid-thirties."
> But, regardless of age, the great minds who married virtually kissed goodbye
> to making any further glorious additions to their
> CV.
> Within five years of making their nuptial vows, nearly a quarter of married
> scientists had made their last significant
> contribution to history's Hall of Fame.
> "Scientists rather quickly desist [from their careers] after their marriage,
> while unmarried scientists continue to make great scientific contributions
> later in their lives," says Kanazawa.
> The energy of youth and the dampening effect of
> marriage, he adds, are also
> remarkably similar among geniuses in music, painting and writing, as well as in
> criminal activity.
> Previous studies have documented that delinquents are overwhelmingly male,
> and usually start out on the road to crime in their teens.
> But those who marry well subsequently stop
> committing crime, whereas
> criminals at the same age who remain unmarried tend
> to continue their unlawful careers.
> Kanazawa suggests "a single psychological mechanism"
> is responsible for this:
> the competitive edge among young men to fight for glory and gain the
> attention of women. That craving drives the
> all-important male hormone, testosterone.
> After a man settles down, the testosterone level
> falls, as does his creative
> output, Kanazawa theorises.
> The study appears in in the August issue of the Journal of Research in
> Personality, published by the Elsevier group.
--------------------
Its 2 different arguments whether having a spouse
turns one's creativity to shit or whether complacency
& routine & vibing a shared schedule or whether the
happiness itself turns the creativity off.
Each is a valid argument.
Having a spouse generally only temporarily infers a
bliss so great in distraction that all is reflected by
its tempered mirror. Some of the best Art is often
created from awful or fucked up feelings. We find more
humanistic truth in the suffering of others. It allows
us the luxury of sharing in their escape, their
passion, their longing.
Getting lost in the immensity of it.
Romance & cheesy flowers of embarrassment we generally
dont express to the masses. The intimate makes us out
of place in crowds. There is only Rumi or EE Cummings
today in the intimate. When we ourselves can feel as
they feel. We allow ourself to call into question our
happiness but not its absence. Even when we are happy
we understand and appreciate loss, but happiness is
all too alien to those without it.

Of course theres the argument that when one has a
significant other, one spends their expression on each
other.... love , hate, madness is all there at times,
but we are taught not to withdraw into our work , our
art, our despair. If we fail in endevoring to let out
our ideas to our loved one, we rot, or find another to
express it with, rather than express it alone. We are
in the business of sharing then, whether its as feeble
and lost in front of a tv or talking.
Having people in our lives is a neccesarry distraction.
If we need private time, our spouse too often calls
things into question, as if its unnatural to need to
do alone. The social male dynamic too often fucks
things up. We sometimes arent able to express our
"self needs" to people who are dependent on us. Or if
we do Weakness, ego, selfishness, or immaturity are
roles thought up.
We're suppose to be there for our mate, and child
first, over our needs.
Time for individuality (invention, art, etc....), goes
to the back burner of low priority.

I mean this in a survivialist primal, sub-conscious
way rather than touchy feely. When ego's get involved
art always suffers.

> now, does that mean that every single artist in the
> whole world who is happily married is null and void?

We always have drugs & schizophrenia. I always say the
crazies make damn fine art. Have a toke & get the urge
to shit on a canvas. I personally love stream of
consciousness art, or non-thinking art, trancy, or
trying to get a rise out of the subconscious. Oulipo.
dada, or merely something contemplative.
We just have to discard the old spouse every so often
& take time for us.
Its nice if our spouse needs private time also. Again,
if have to think of it as a right & need, not endemic
of a problem existing. "I need my space."

If one is sitting fat & lazy, like alot of folks these
days, inspiration is a whore.
We indeed become content, as you say. So theres no
desire to delve into the individual, but stay
connected to the pair. What are we gonna do, eat, drink, watch ?
We can get inspiration there. I'm a pretty decadent
mofo. The bliss can consume. When your running
inspiration adrenaline juice its a happy feel good
feeling & I think it makes good art. We just bogged
down in routine with spouse & we let the bliss juice
drain out our orifices, as expression. Rather than
expressing it artistically.
In the article they try to connect creativity to
testosterone. That we only have the desire to express
ourselves creativly is because it could help us get
laid. I think there is more to it than that.
Its some other argument why women make less art than
men. Is that true ?
Artists generally get laid pretty frequently. Maybe
thats one of the reasons they like being an artist, or
a rock star. The desire to be famous is a different
arguement though. Do artist create more if they have
mistresses on the side than the monogamous one ?
We say thats part of an artists nature to be decadent
& embrace life in all its passions.

Hell , young men often spend every waking minute trying to get laid , which keeps them from being artistic.

I certainly dont think as a movie it stands on its on.
But every bad review bascially doesn't understand the
story. It all comes down to those 4 or 5 speeches
essentially he mentions above.
Not everyone understands the importance of what
happened to Agent Smith. He is the first "free"
machine. was shown freedom . He is the Neo christ
savior for the machines. Neo set the stage , showed
the way, set him free. The movie is about the
liberation and evolution of consciousness. Period. It
uses parallels in black history and higher
consciousness / perception references as its base.

When "programmer" Neo sells his illegal wares he pulls
it from a hollow copy of : Simulacra and Simulation
(The Body, in Theory: Histories of Cultural
Materialism) Jean Baudrillard
Thats important. People who dont know the references
arent going to get the connection. Having the "trinity
saviors" stand before the French Merovingian ---Neo ,
Morpheus , and "TRINITY" complete the christian
mythos.

Parts of the movie that must be understood, That are
key to the plot, to like the movie :

1. First you must understand Agent Smiths huge role in
it. He is to be the machine's savior. (see above)

2. Neo with the counselor (Man and Machine must
understand the Yin & Yang duality that tells them they
are better off living together in harmony, all free
beings, depending on each other as key, no one greater
or lesser than the other. All machines and humans must
be free and live in harmony. All consciousness.

3. Neo with The Oracle

4. The Trinity Saviors with the Merovingian

5. Neo with the Architect

--------------------------

Counseler West is Cornel West, is one of today's
leading African American intellectuals. Professor of
African-American Studies and Professor in the
Department of Religion, at Princeton University.
Teaches classes in both Religion (his department) and
African-American Studies., Before Princeton he did all
of the above at Harvard.
http://www.kevincmurphy.com/west.html

"What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset."
-Crowfoot, Native American warrior and orator(1821-1890)

Reading List for people who view the Matrix as a mythology for the liberation and evolution of consciousness :


1. The User Illusion : Cutting Consciousness Down To Size Tor Norretranders (There's No There There) 1999 Viking Press $11.90

2. Zen and the Brain : Toward an Understanding of Meditation and Consciousness Dr. James H. Austin 1999 MIT Press $23.07

3. Simulacra and Simulation (The Body, in Theory: Histories of Cultural Materialism) Jean Baudrillard 1994 University of Michigan Press $11.84

4. Boomeritis : A Novel That Will Set You Free Ken Wilber 2002 Shambhala Publications $17.47

5. The Awakening of Intelligence J. Krishnamurti 1987 Harper Books $12.60

6. The Age of Spiritual Machines Ray Kurzweil 2000 Penguin USA $10.47

7. Darwin Among The Machines : The Evolution of Global Intelligence George Dyson 1999 Helix Books $11.20

8. Flatland : A Parable of Multi-Dimension as told by a Square Edwin Abbott 1998 Penguin Classics $8.95

9. When Things Start to Think Neil Gershenfeld 2000 Owl Books $11.20

10. The Turning Point: Science, Society, and the Rising Culture Fritjof Capra 1988 Bantam Doubleday $13.27

11. Black Culture and Black Consciousness: Afro-American Folk Thought from Slavery to Freedom Lawrence Levine 1978 Oxford University Press $12.00

12. The Book : On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are Alan Watts 1989 Vintage Books $8.76

13. The Art of Looking Sideways Alan Fletcher 2001 Phaidon Books $27.97

14. The Global Brain Awakens : Our Next Evolutionary Leap Peter Russell 1995 Harper Collins $12.00

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Remember the fake book that he gets the disk from?
"Simulacra and Simulation" by Baudrillard. The book is all about
"hyperreality", about how we have ceasd living in a real world, in
real time, and now exist in a constantly self-defining, self-obliterating
now.
It is also explicitly about the layers of reality, like onion skins,
that exist, and how we can not trust that any given layer is "the"
reality.
So, are Zion and the Machines real, and, if not, who is "dreaming"
them?
---------------------------

here's the discussion between the architect and neo..

http://www.sunbelt-software.com/stu/discussion.htm

also, i'm reading that in the press conference for matrix 2, the brothers
emphatically stated there wouldn't be a 'matrix in the matrix' plot (ie they
are still in the matrix when neo kills the squiddies)

Through this journal you'll find all kinds of comments on my distaste for people judging others. People who impose their moral, or otherwise, standards. Little people who are so insecure in their faith or themselves and everything that they think the entire world should be just as they are. Be it Conservative Christians, Southern Baptists are often the worst for it being their way or else and Americans. We think that whats good for us is good for everyone. And dont understand anyone who doesnt think that way. They seem to have no idea the problems with subjectivity. Who I am , based on my experience, who i have become, helps makes every decicion I make. Thats why I'm Libertarian. To each his on. Thats why Buddhism makes sense. To each his on. Whats good for me isnt neccesarrily the right thing for you. I hate close minded, judgemental people. I'm open possibility. I'm open to change. Not the Status Quo.

Too often parents get lost in their expectations for their kids. Dad's being overprotective of their little one growing up. We want to protect them from all the sex, drugs, rock & roll , & all the things we weren't suppose to do but would sneek to do when we were our children's age. Then we have to contend with all of societies status quo , that they impose on us as per what we must do to raise a child. Its always difficult & we may never have the relationship we want with our children. But if we are open (hearted) with them, and listen as least as much as we talk, and try to be infinitely patient and trust them, and always do the best we can at that moment, with the information we have at the time. Then we have to come to terms with the fact that we have done the best we can. Then we should trust that , not second guess it. Believe that everything will eventually work out. Keep faith, optimism. Dont give up on your child and doom them to your failed expectations of them. Dont stress. Once you've done all you can, you keep at it, with a postitive , trusting attitude NO MATTER WHAT. Its on going work, everyday. No point in getting fed up, thats what its about, the tough stuff. They will eventually mature out of all the things you. Parents can push too hard. Beyond what is neccesarry. Better a slow , steady push trying to understand where they are coming from . Than to continue to push harder and harder until we destroy the crap relationship that was there.

The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (96%)
3. New Age (95%)
4. Mahayana Buddhism (94%)
5. Liberal Quakers (92%)
6. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (90%)
7. Bahá'í Faith (88%)
8. Theravada Buddhism (83%)
9. Hinduism (82%)
10. Jainism (82%)
11. New Thought (79%)
12. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (77%)
13. Sikhism (68%)
14. Scientology (64%)
15. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (55%)
16. Reform Judaism (54%)
17. Orthodox Judaism (53%)
18. Jehovah's Witness (51%)
19. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (50%)
20. Orthodox Quaker (50%)
21. Secular Humanism (50%)
22. Taoism (50%)
23. Islam (41%)
24. Eastern Orthodox (31%)
25. Roman Catholic (31%)
26. Nontheist (29%)
27. Seventh Day Adventist (27%)

http://www.selectsmart.com/religion.html

http://beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

Experiencing anything is very subjective & depends on ones individual tastes. Close minded, Self-centered, Ego laden people think their way is the "right" & "only" way. I don't have time for people like that. If they can't respect my individual love for my more obscure, away from the norm, ideas of religion, politics, life, happiness, music, and everything, then there really is no point in wasting my time trying to expand the hollow space between their ears.
There are 2 types of people. People who think they know it all, & whats right. (usually white american christian conservatives) And people who are open to new ideas. who concede that there may be more than meets the eye in things we dont understand.
Some people are so insecure & threatened that their way of life is being questioned. Other people see alien & foreign way as a learning opportunity. The more one is exposed to new ideas & experiences the better. The more one embraces an openess for new things the greater the opportunity to truly learn something new or substantiate his own ideas by contrast. Who am i to say my ideas are more right than someone elses ? Not growing up in their shoes how can I be there judge ? Like the old cliche says, "You cannot judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. " Being part libertarian, part Buddhist, part taoist, I believe in the individual choice for every individual in determining what is right for yourself & not push my beliefs on anyone else, as long as their beliefs do not impose on my right to live in whatever manner i choose.

  One could argue that anyone who believes in anything
is contrived or uses that belief as a crutch & "rides the coat-tails of honorable intentions" while having ulterior motives. No matter how sincere or insincere or what motives are believed or not believed, any belief in anything has ulterior-ish motives on some level. At the very least once one establishes a rightness & a wrongness to anything he can't but harm on some level. You always want your team to win. And in trying to achieve that win human nature creeps in.
Once again I go back to not being able to criticize others. (too harshly at least).
I - I - I , me, me , me .. am doing this for "YOUR" own good. Because your not doing it MY way. ie. Your doing wrong.
Who is to say my idea of freedom is not some new form of slavery ? Who is able to be the scales & weigh who is more right in the grand design ?
Who decides if the cost of my beliefs outweighs the benefits ?
How much do we pay for our beliefs ?
When is "at any cost" & "by any means" lose it's worth exactly ?
Only when its too late to turn back.
To quote The Cramps , "How far does too far go ? "
Maybe I'm too buddhist-taoist-libertatian but I can not impose my beliefs as necessarily good for anyone else.

NME Top 100 Albums of all Time. The order is a bit of a joke really. With plenty that should be on there. Where is Bowie's Ziggy Stardust & Hunky Dorey, The Stranglers, The Fall ? .....

1. The Stone Roses - The Stone Roses
2. Pixies - Doolittle
3. The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds
4. Television - Marquee Moon
5. The Beatles - Revolver
6. Love - Forever Changes
7. The Strokes - Is This It
8. The Smiths - The Queen Is Dead
9. The Velvet Underground - The Velvet Underground & Nico
10. The Sex Pistols - Never Mind The Bollocks
11. My Bloody Valentine - Loveless
12. The Clash - London Calling
13. Oasis - Definitely Maybe
14. Joy Division - Closer
15. Nirvana - In Utero
16. Radiohead - OK Computer
17. Spiritualized - Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space
18. Blondie - Parallel Lines
19. Nirvana - Nevermind
20. The White Stripes - White Blood Cells
21. The Velvet Underground - The Velvet Underground
22. New Order - Technique
23. Primal Scream - Screamadelica
24. The Beatles - The Beatles (AKA The White Album)
25. The Smiths - Strangeways, Here We Come
26. David Bowie - Low
27. Marvin Gaye - What's Going On
28. The Verve - A Northern Soul
29. Public Enemy - It Takes A Nation Of Millions to Hold Us Back
30. Massive Attack - Blue Lines
31. Pixies - Surfer Rosa
32. The Byrds - The Notorious Byrd Brothers
33. Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP
34. Patti Smith - Horses
35. Jeff Buckley - Grace
36. Kraftwerk - Trans-Europe Express
37. Oasis - (What's The Story) Morning Glory
38. Scott Walker - Scott 4
39. Ramones - Ramones
40. Coldplay - A Rush Of Blood To The Head
41. Joy Division - Unknown Pleasures
42. The Stooges - Fun House
43. David Bowie - Hunky Dory
44. Radiohead - The Bends
45. Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin IV
46. The Streets - Original Pirate Material
47. Bob Dylan - Blood On The Tracks
48. REM - Automatic For The People
49. Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation
50. Blur - Parklife
51. The Smiths - Hatful Of Hollow
52. The Rolling Stones - Exile On Main St
53. Slint - Spiderland
54. The Smiths - The Smiths
55. Aphex Twin - Richard D James Album
56. Jay-Z - The Blueprint
57. Roxy Music - For Your Pleasure
58. The Rolling Stones - Sticky Fingers
59. The Specials - The Specials
60. Big Star - Third/Sister Lovers
61. The Magnetic Fields - 69 Love Songs
62. Pulp - His 'N' Hers
63. Dusty Springfield - Dusty In Memphis
64. Nick Drake - Five Leaves Left
65. Duran Duran - Rio
66. The Flying Burrito Brothers - The Gilded Palace Of Sin
67. Underworld - Dubnobasswithmyheadman
68. Dexys Midnight Runners - Searching For The Young Soul Rebels
69. Andrew WK - I Get Wet
70. The Verve - Urban Hymns
71. Eminem - The Slim Shady LP
72. AC/DC - Back In Black
73. Michael Jackson - Off The Wall
74. The White Stripes - Elephant
75. Lou Reed - Transformer
76. Pulp - This Is Hardcore
77. The Coral - The Coral
78. Suede - Dog Man Star
79. The Clash - The Clash
80. Neil Young - After The Gold Rush
81. The Jesus And Mary Chain - Psychocandy
82. Wu-Tang Clan - Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)
83. Van Morrison - Astral Weeks
84. De La Soul - 3 Feet High And Rising
85. The Rolling Stones - Let It Bleed
86. David Bowie - Heroes
87. The Slits - Cut
88. Primal Scream - Exterminator
89. Stevie Wonder - Innervisions
90. Leonard Cohen - Songs Of Love And Hate
91. Queens Of The Stone Age - Rated R
92. Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works 85-92
93. Joni Mitchell - Hejira
94. Bob Dylan - Bringing It All Back Home
95. Pink Floyd - Piper At The Gates Of Dawn
96. The Vines - Highly Evolved
97. PJ Harvey - Stories From The City, Stories from The Sea
98. Madonna - Like A Prayer
99. The Congos - Heart Of The Congos
100. The Beach Boys - Surf's Up

Seems like the people I have most in common with never really figure out what they want to do with their lives...

from http://www.painterskeys.com :

...... I realized that so many of us are asking the question: "What shall I do with my life?" As I've spent a lifetime trying to figure this one out--I consider myself a bit of an expert.
Like a lot of the cosmic questions--there can be a microcosmic
answer. There are several valuable angles: One is our
moment-to-moment doing. Another is our tolerance for failure.
Yet another has to do with our long-term strategizing.

Moment-to-moment doing: The basic and almost spiritual
question for every day or hour, is: "What do I want to do?"
This question has nothing to do with obligation, guilt, duty,
or economics. It's also a blessing, a luxury, and bloody good
going if you can ask it. When you know the answer, you are
truly on your way. The answer very often lies in a fair degree
of specificity: "I want to paint these Shasta Daisies in an
energetic counterpoint on a red-primed 10" x 12" mahogany
panel."

Tolerance for failure: This is a learned philosophical
position. It's something like spreading molasses on an
anthill. Sometimes they run all over it--sometimes they don't.
Failure may be in the hands of the gods--but it's the path to
finding out what we can do and what we're good for: "Those
Shasta Daisies failed, so did the 12" x 16" Rhododendrons, (it
was something about the scale) but this 36" x 48" stretched
canvas of Auntie Helen that I started last year looks like it's
going to be right for me today."

Strategy for the long term: Seeing the big picture and being
able to project ahead is not always easy. It requires tuning
into both our overt and our secret dreams. Try to view them
from the perspective of your current ones. A great monument
can be better visualized when you put two bricks against one
another. Great oaks from little acorns, etc. Great journeys
start with the space between our feet: "Auntie Helen loves
flowers--what about a series juxtaposing her and all the
flowers of her life? Now that's a life. That's what I should
do with my life."

PS: "There is not any present moment that is unconnected with
some future one. The life of every man is a continued chain of
incidents, each link of which hangs upon the former." (Joseph
Addison)

Esoterica: "What Should I Do With My Life?" is the title of a
new and popular book by Po Bronson. "Success is more dangerous than failure," he says. "If you're successful at the wrong thing; praise, money and further opportunity can lock you in forever." In his book he shows, through multiple stories and anecdotes, that failure is the way you eliminate the wrong turns on the way to the right ones.

Alot of those stars like Lou Reed come from a different age than us today. Getting all caught up in something that seems like(and is)a movement, and history making & you get all caught up in that. And its so apparent that everyone knows everyone is fucked up.
"I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears"
With good art people are often honest in their expression. however screwed , you roll with it. take the ride. It takes control, not you. It gets away from you. Some don’t mention it specifically until they are off it. And reference it in their art as part of them deep inside, just beneath the frenzy edge of sanity.
The vulgar & dispossessed best lover we hope never returns . Some romanticize that dark half as passionate & never ending other self, some know to well to hide , running not to dwell too long on such insatiable longing. That its best to keep it at arms length. Much of the best art is made of badness. Trying to overcome some struggling madness that consumes us. Letting that chaos out through the art.
It is either a outward motion, letting the demons out, releasing it all through the fingertips. Everything in mind & body being exorcised from the depths , or a taking in of energy, conjuring it into you like a conduit, open to letting it come over you, take over, become possessed, and expressing that.
And both at once. Everything in & out in all its rush of intensity. And you embrace it all. glorious.
intense. super-real. Especially in art that imploys a sub-conscious or consciousness altered realm.

From Paul :

I trip back among trails of memory
to try and find a knot in particular, the point where we crossed our
highways of experience, merging, engaging on-ramps, and we, enraptured
roadsters, pursuers of more than a means of transportation (more, a
means
of being transported, transcending, but keeping it kicking, root-down),
we, finding the lanes alive with some-day drivers, , hit the rest-stop
simultaneously, stretching out and comparing roadmaps, maybe a cuppa,
maybe a smoke, and found that we had seen the same distractions at
different road-sighed attractions, and had criss-crossed similar
detours,
and covered the blue highways, and the rainbow roads . . .
I can't find it, to be honest, though i was there, but being and
seeing don't alway coincide, and the knot is lost in the twists and
braids
of simple circumstance . . .
But, the effect proves that there once was a cause, and many, and
so I
know we were well-met, and destiny is naught but objects appearing
closer
in the rear-view mirror, . . . so friend, brother, confidante, sharer,
shaman, and soul, I was not there, and it does not matter, but I lay a
claim on another day of merging, when spark and consciousness met, and
I
celebrate that day, when you first diverged from a confluence of el
caminos to find yourself as your self, to be born, to be . . .
happy birthday, my friend, what more can I say than that?

peace,

Paul

if boy eat sun, he dream blue sky :pt68

Portishead
Massive Attack
Tricky
Laika
Pram
Belle & Sebastian
Cocteau Twins
Brian Eno
Beck
The Soft Boys (with Robyn Hitchcock)
Kate Bush
Laurie Anderson (love to see her as much as possible)
Neutral Milk Hotel

Want to see a live stage performance of Hedwig & The Angry Inch.
Would also love to see Sisters of Mercy or Pink Floyd or Curve or Spiritualized anytime.
I like spoken word performances by Jim Carroll or Spalding Grey or someone like that.
Really great weird abstract performance art is always great also, from De La Guarda to Blue Man Group or even weirder.

We dance round in a ring and suppose,
But the Secret sits in the middle and knows.

-- Robert Frost

"He approached her with a greeting of tears and laughter, then took her hand and placed against it his flaming lips. And with a voice which bespoke past sorrow, and joy of union, and uncertainty of her reactioin, he said, "Fear me not, for I am the object of your plea. Be glad, for Peace has carried me back safely to you, and humanity has restored what greed essayed to take from us. Be not sad, but smile, my beloved. Do not express bewilderment, for Love has power that dispels Death: charm that conquers the enemy. I am your one. Think me not a spectre emerging from the house of Death to visit your Home of Beauty."
"Do not be frightened, for I am now Truth, spared from swords and fire to reveal the triumph of Love over War. I am Word uttering introduction to the play of happiness and peace."

--Kahlil Gibran

"I've lost the will to paint literally. I don't see the point in worrying away with a paintbrush trying to reproduce a literal photographic texture like cloth or skin. Paint is best at being paint. Paint can never be as perfect as nature when it is trying to imitate nature.It's a lost cause. Paint can only be as beautiful as nature when it is nature, when it is it's own texture. Marks on paper have their own beauty, and it is this slipping from the literal world into the world of abstract qualities that I try to achieve in my work. If I need a shirt to look like a shirt I'll scan it into my computer. If I want a shirt to feel like the wind, or like a constricting skin, or angry, or like a consoling embrace, then maybe it should be painted or drawn... "

- Dave McKean

The eternal questions...
"If God did not exist would it be necesarry to create him ? "
"Does the ends justify the means ?"
If we look at man's need for control. His control over his own life & destiny one cannot help but feel helpless.
We can't control everything that happens to us.
How much is too much need for control ?
I'm not really talking about a debate on the neccessity of faith. Im talking something abit different. Although in the same vein.
One can have hope & be positive for the sake of itself and that alone be their faith.
I'm not really talking about the need for a higher power exactly.
But perhaps , lets examine the need to believe in a higher order than that which we see.
Call it god, call it fate, call it a reason why things happen.
Call it man's need for reason. To ask why ?
Why do things happen the way they do ?
They say that everything happens for a reason. Even if we can't see what that reason is.
Every bad thing.... the death of a loved one. They say, "God has a plan."

Yet people reject this cozy banket of "not worrying about things" because it leaves them powerless.
Not in control of their fate.
Yet the very same people are quick to suspect their is some grand cosmic joke being played on them.
And that the only higher order is in the end you'll get screwed.
"Fuck it", "Fuck all" , "I give up", " Float downstream." "Don't worry , be happy." , "Believe" , "Must be fate." , "Que Sera Sera"
It washes over us like a warm haze of a breeze.
Acceptance of whatever comes your way. What will be will be.


"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change....
Courage to change the things I can.....
and the wisdom to know the difference. "

"Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace."

"That which doen't kill us makes us stronger" is another interesting arguement thats off that same vein.
That its better to have hardships to become a better person.
Like the dutch movie "Character".
That the worst things that happen to us are actually the best things that could happen to us.
And that the ease of things is one of our problems today.
Appreciate what we have. Not take it for granted.

But lets get back to a need to believe that there is an order to things.
Even if not directed by a big God hand & scripted under thumb.
But just reliquishes control & accepting that some things are beyond our control.
Perhaps the patterns in our lives we see as luck or a cosmic joke is our subconscious need for explanation.
Trying to make sense of things.
Is it ironic for an atheist to believe in luck ?
Can they believe in any sort of natural order without the belief in something controlling it ?
Does the atheist inevitably have to "give in to the chaos" they see around them ?
And give way to "whatever happens, happens". "I can only do the best I can." ?
Do they reject this serenity as pulling the wool over ones eyes ?
Or do they only see reliquish control with regret ?
Is there a positive way an atheist can "give way" ?
Can he have hope ?

If I'm not "feeling it" i don't paint.
So i'll stare at something half done for months til i get the feel of what the painting is to become.
They're abstract & evolve . They start with me taking glass, metal, etc... & reflect them on the ceiling of my car.
Watching the light cast its patterns. I twist & turn til i see something interesting.
I sketch it in a pad.
Later i start with painting that design on the canvas.
I stare, imagine, turn & view that shape from every direction until i see something to build off of.
When i loose it , i turn the piece.
See it from a new angle. Upside down... sideways...
And keep looking at it until i see something.
So what was there at one side a few times before changes on the other sides... when i get back to that side again its changed.
I keep building off what i see , as i go.
Very cathartic. sometimes iam exorcising my demons, letting everything out, expression pouring from fingertips... other times i am conjuring....
bringing something in. creating from ether.
The piece evolves into what ever its meant to.
Kinda takes a life of its own.
So the painting itself inspires me.
I'll stare at it for months til i feel it.
Sometimes if I’m in party mode i'll bark at the moon paint... light candles. jam loud. drink.
I have several friends I've gotten to start painting.
We'll have a party. At some point pull out the supplies, have a big community abstract painting.
3 people painting at once...

I've had a good many dreams that allowed me to
perceive life cycles & step out of mine & guided to
where I remembered past lives, future lives, say
people on their journeys at varying speed. And saw the
steps approaching end stages of reincarnation where
one starts recognizing decisions they've made before
to remember them incorrectly, to late, after the fact,
to remembering things from past lives to moving on .
Completing the cycle .

I've also had several straight waking experiences that
I felt were a half-second bombardment of communication
to myself from a past or future self to my current
self. I can remember so much & so many details from
that split second experiment to myself.

Patterns & signs.. justification for anything.
All can be very conveincing & real.
But just like we were saying a post ago...
Your belief in them gives them their power. [over you]

Speaking of which I saw SIGNS last night.
Who is to say when you see signs it means what you
think it means ?
Funny coincidences can freak one out who think there
is some external forces at work. Makes one revert to
his religion if her has one.
I believe people who want/need to see a sign to
justify or prove something will see them often.
That being said I believe coincidences & deja vu type
stuff can be useful & real enough. Whether its ones
psyche working things out like dreams or not.
I think somewhere in our psyche sometimes we can touch
& connect with greating places that contain some truth
for the perciever.
Just like a dream can tell us things if we understand
each our individual language between consciousness &
unconsciousness.
Symbolism in general [pattern recognition] is
interesting stuff. Synchronicity.
Its all an interpretive art.
Does it represent an inevitability or a warning sign?
You can't let these things be beyond your control or
let them freak you out.
Our brain often goes searching for greater meanings.
A conscious need that is so inate, strong & deep
seeded that they are sometimes expressed through a
more deeply seeded sub-conscious need.
A need for MORE.
A need to see meaning.

It's a fairly easy argument to make that any
belief controls the person who believes it.
And that the very things we think sets us free
[ie.religion] are the things that bind us from growing
beyond them.
That is what we percieve as absolute concrete beliefs
have no room to ever be anything more than what they
are. And then try to believe that that belief is all
their needs to be & is completely perfect forever.

Perhaps it is the idea of "anything" being "completely
perfect forever" that seems so unbelievable.
Nothing real is anyway. Only a belief.

One could say that it is not the belief in a higher
power that controls what we say & do ,
but
to believe in anything gives that belief control over
us. Makes you a puppet.
Our thoughts , beliefs , experience are the essence of
who we are.
Is it a waste of a life to spend one's energy trying
to remove those strings one by one that bind us,
however futile ? Trying to always decrease them.
Or should we see the futility of it & see that nothing
is absolute.
Everything is open for argument.
And see ideas as changing percentages of possibility.
And we each use our backgrounds, experience, sum of
knowledge to decide the numbers....
How possible? How impossible.
And that EVERYONE is always going to think & believe
in things that we do not.

If I'm not "feeling it" i don't paint.
So i'll stare at something half done for months til i get the feel of what the painting is to become.
They're abstract & evolve . They start with me taking glass, metal, etc... & reflect them on the ceiling of my car.
Watching the light cast its patterns. I twist & turn til i see something interesting.
I sketch it in a pad.
Later i start with painting that design on the canvas.
I stare, imagine, turn & view that shape from every direction until i see something to build off of.
When i loose it , i turn the piece.
See it from a new angle. Upside down... sideways...
And keep looking at it until i see something.
So what was there at one side a few times before changes on the other sides... when i get back to that side again its changed.
I keep building off what i see , as i go.
Very cathartic. sometimes iam exorcising my demons, letting everything out, expression pouring from fingertips... other times i am conjuring....
bringing something in. creating from ether.
The piece evolves into what ever its meant to.
Kinda takes a life of its own.
So the painting itself inspires me.
I'll stare at it for months til i feel it.
Sometimes if i'm in party mode i'll bark at the moon paint... light candles. jam loud. drink.
I have several friends I've gotten to start painting.
We'll have a party. At some point pull out the supplies, have a big community abstract painting.
3 people painting at once...

NAME ANALYSIS FOR: Herman Wayne Snell

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Herman:

You are an 11th hour person, always succeeding just in the nick of time. The lesson of money is prominent in your life. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You are always involved with projects and things to do. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind.
_________________________________________________________________

Wayne:

Take advantage of all opportunities. You must develop your creativity and talents. You are determined to prove yourself to others. You have a need to be up front. Your independence and freedom are important to you. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood.
______________________________________________________________

Snell:

Status is important to you and your ability to achieve success and earn money. You have a need to be noticed and seek status. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. You must learn the lessons of self-worth; learn to love yourself before you can love others.

Philosophically, In the grand scheme of things,
It would be great if we could all earn a living doing whatever we want to do.
Making what we thought we deserved.
And we could control the external forces that would cause us to not do as well as we want.
Create our own standard of living.

We could debate whether the struggle for the thing itself is needed & helps progress toward one's highest potential. We could think of ways to more support such desires in people, & how we would decide who got what.
If thats possible.
Or at least if you work for yourself you pay no taxes of any kind. And the more "whatever" you produce, the more you are rewarded.
We could think of everyone as a circus.
We each set back to watch the act , before we ourself starts our show.

God knows I have my grant proposals ready.
I'm not trying to sound trite or sarcastic.
But isn't everyone trying to do whatever they want to do for a living ?
The more people there are & the more we advance as a species aren't we going to feel a greater lag of inadequecy & a deminishment of resources ?
Today we see it as a free peer to peer server.
We are such a cut corners culture... wanting as much as we can for as little as possible.
That will always be prescedent.
The desire to get something for nothing will always reign supreme.

"Be a Columbus to whole new continents & worlds within you ,
Opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought."


---Henry David Thoureau , "Walden"

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.) :Walt Whitman

The Worm Drill-Bit Bot
______________________


Part 1 : The Apple

Picture a very efficent little worm boring freely throughout an apple.
It moves forward , spiraling at whim leaving only the intricate canals
no larger or smaller in diameter than the diameter of it's own size.

Imagine a metal-machined Worm doing the exact same function.
Picture a small drill-bit that is made of the smallest of metal threads, woven loosely together with maximum potential of movement.
Thus allowing the bending & worm like spiraling freedom of movement & function.

A nearby computer houses a software with a virtual worm that simulates
the worm drill-bit.
The computer operator would get a scanned map of our apple using the best internal scanning available at present.
(ie. x-ray , MRI , etc...)
After imputing our MRI-like scan we would see on-screen our virtual apple, including all of the external & internal dimensions of it.
We would see the placement of the seeds, & perhaps soon microscopicaly
areas where new seeds begin to grow.
The computer operator can manipulate his virtual worm bot through his virtual apple like drawing on a touch screen with a computer pen.
Think of a paint program on a palm-pilot. You would move the virtual worm bot through the on-screen apple as you drew its path.
You draw a turn & figure 8 & the virtual worm bot trails you in real time.

The only function (at this point) of the actual Worm drill-bit bot is to mimic what the virtual worm bot does.
As you draw the path of the virtual worm bot on-screen, the real worm bot follows the exact course.

Thus the only technology involved other than the machining of the drill bit & the scanning of the thing to be explored, is the datastream of information that is transmitted from the computer to the worm to get it to function.
This would allow for the manipulation of scale.

Later other information could be passed back & forth on this datastream, as technology allows. Like cameras on the worm bot sending imagery allowing the computer user to explore & see whats happening inside the real apple in real time instead of on just an MRI scan of the apple.
Microscopic surgery is going on today with lasers, microscopic cameras & the like.
You can watch an eye operation on the Discovery Channel.
But there is a limit as to how invasive these cameras can be.
Soon MRI type technology will be quicker so a surgeon will be able to continuously examine a changing MRI in real time , as he operates on the patient. Allowing him to see the results of microscopic surgerys deep inside the body without penetrating the body.
Not so unlike the tri-corders on Star Trek.

Part 2 : The Pea

Instead of using an apple, picture one small green english pea & a worm drill-bit bot 1/8 the size of one grain of rice.
Imagine it growing as small as technology will allow.

Imagine the computer screen viewing the space between 2 neurons in the brain. Diagnosing & treating any abnornality in the body, including spinal cord injuries, fetal surgery , blindness or depression.

Nanotechnology is not as far away as we think.

"What we do in life, echoes in eternity."

Government Alien technology needed! 21720

If you are a time traveler or alien and or in procession of alien
or government technology I need your help! My case is truly
genuine! I seek to work with someone who is of a kind nature,
someone I can call my savior as well as a friend.

My life has been severely tampered with and cursed by evil beings!!
I have suffered tremendously and am now dying!

I need to be able to:

Travel back in time.

Rewind my life including my age back to 4.
I am in great danger and need this immediately!
I want to work with you in any way possible.

I am aware of two types of time travel one in physical form and
the other in energy form where a snapshot of your brain is taken using
either the dimensional warp or the brain snapshot device and then sends
your
consciousness back through time to part with your younger self. I'm
almost
certain the dimensional warp would be the safest and best
solution. Please explain how safe and what your method involves.

I have a time machine now, but it has limited abilities and is
useless without a vortex. If you can provide information on how to
create vortex generator or where I can get some of the blue or red glowing
moon crystals this would also be helpful. I am however concerned with
the high level of
radiation these crystals give off, if you could provide a shielding
this would be
helpful. I believe the vortex would have to be east-west polarized,
North-south polarized vortexes are used for cross-dimensional time
travel only. Also, I know about the three dimension 4 bit (CODE) our
universe is written in. If you are one of the very few beings who can
edit this code, or know the passwords which can be spoken over a vortex,
please reply!

If you have this technology and can help me please
send me a (SEPARATE) email to: powerhouse213@aol.com

Thanks

5/20/2002
________________________________

My friend from the My Bloody Valentine mailing list, Jon Land , is in the band Negativland & has a website called the spam letters , where he spams the spammers back.
Here is his response to the above :

http://thespamletters.com/letter.php?spamID=184

He is bloody hilarious...

http://thespamletters.com

The Cloners [Kiminos] say that the leader of the Jedi Counsel ordered a clone army on behalf of the Republic , 10 years ago.
And that they had not had any contact with him since.
We know that there was indeed a real Jedi Master Siffon Dyes because in Obi Wan's transmission
to Yodi & Mace Wandu obi Wan says he thought Master Siffon Dyes died "OVER" 10 YEARS ago.
We know that the Rebublic & Jedi Counsel know nothing of the clone army & did not order them to be created.

We know that Count Dooku was once a Jedi & has been trained by Yodi & The evil EMPEROR Lord Siddious
[aka. Chancelor Palpatine] .
It seems that Count Dooku pretended he did not know about the clone army in front of the Trade Federation
& the seperatists possibly to rally their support & to not let them know about this secret clone army.
[aka.Stormtroopers] .
But when Dooku is with the Emperor he does not seem suprised that the Jedi's have the Clone Army ?

People are presuming that the mysterious Jedi Master Siffon Dyes who ordered the clones is the evil Emperor Siddious.
The names are even similar when spoken. [Siffon Dias...Siddious].
Some people have said he he called Jedi Siddo Dias even more
similar to Siddious when spoken. But to me i hear an "ff" sound.
"Siffo__ Dyes"
He says "Everything is going according to plan." To Dooku.
So Dooku [as well as Jango & Boba Fett] must have known about the clones also, since he wasnt suprised by the Emperor's words.
So he was obviosly playing dumb to the Trade Federation & the Seperatists.

We could also assume that the Jedi who ordered the clones on Kimino also erased the Kimino records from the Jedi Library.
But Obi Wan obviously knew a Jedi Siffon Dyes [thought died over 10 yrs ago.] & they obviously do not recognise Chancelor Palpatine
in the Senete as him.
The Emperor[aka. Lord Siddious/ Chancelor Palpatine] IF he is the person who ordered the clones, surely he can't be the real "Siffon Dyes".
[They would recognize him]. The older Jedi would have known him.
But we dont know how & if Siffon Dyes really was killed.
If Lord Siddious ordered the clones he may have only been posing as Sippon Dyes.

Even though Lord Siddious after the battle says "everything is going according to plan."
We have to wonder if it was their intention to send Jango Fett to killed Senator Amadala just so they would discover the clone army & claim them
when they [conveniently needed them] ...
Starting a war to gain more support away from the Senete Rebublic to the Seperatists.
That seems to make sense.

Or did Siddious & Dooku not know that Kiminio & the clone army would be discovered & planned to just use them as a back up army.
Creating them under the noble guise of the rebublic.
Did they for sure even know about the clones ?
It is the nature of a bounty hunter like Jango Fett to work for 2 people [Kiminios & Dooku] and not to tell each other whats going on ?

Perhaps if Lord Siddious knew about the clones & ordered them , he perhaps did not intend for the clones to be used by the Jedi.
But since he controls the Senate as the Chancelor he knows he controlled the clone troopers either way.
A fool-proof "plan", either way things turn out in his favor.

Do we know for sure if Lord Siddious was ever a Jedi Knight ? I dont remember. We know that Count Dooku was & that he trained Quo Gonn Jinn.
It doesnt seem like we do.
We know that Dooku was trained by Yoda.

It raises alot of questions about the Jedi's before episode 1 & how several of them turned to the dark side & became Sith lords.

We dont know for sure that the clone army was made to intentionally defeat anyone. We dont neccesarrily know why they were ordered.
We only know that the Kimino were told they were for the republic & that the republic didnt know anything about it.
Dooku , from his conversion with the imprisioned Obi Wan, we get the impression that their is more to Dooku.
We sense a truth in what he says about the Senate being bad & the Jedi's needing to go against them. Dooku's master Lord Siddious may have used that to turn Dooku.
Makes me wonder about Dooku's conversation with Obi Wan about Siddious being betrayed. And what all Dooku knew when he was turned.

Either way the line is blurred how the Jedi seems to have caused their own extinction.
That their own inner problems & their realtionship with the Republic perhaps caused the rift within the Jedi order which eventually causes their own extinction.

Listen deep in your instinctive self.

We are becoming.

Feeling the edge of a new place.

I have seen that we are (indeed) everything & that everything is (indeed) us.

(That) Everything Is .

Our only choice to strive for is how much a part of everything we are & realize it .

To be realized is perhaps what it means to be enlightened.

To be real.

Become everything you are everything.

Like the fine line between terms like "reincarnation" & "ever lasting life" & "spirit"

And any way in which the individual extends beyond this mortal coil.

I tell you they are all the same & that I know it first hand.

Normaly everyday people do not fully appreciate their relationships with others.
They become mundane, routine run down by their own psyche.

Yet spiritually speaking so many of us place such importance on "ever - lasting eternal life"

In the hereafter

While others want to leave some immortal mark on this world

To leave some history of themselves after they die.

Chances are most people believe in , or would like to believe in at least one of these.

(Whether you are religious or not)

Most of us want & search for meaning in our lives.

Not just some egocentric need to feel important.

We sometimes , like Thoureau , speak of "living in the moment"

Living each day to the fullest , like each day is our last.

(That) Everything is happening in exactly the right moment.

But do we ever go through with it ?

Or do we simply file it away like some pipe dream of idealism ?

Mostly we want to feel we have a purpose

Or that we are understood or matter in some small way to someone.

The twisted unhearted end to this is merely influence.

To this extent meaning is lost for something more surface

If we place such importance on this shallow seeming need.

Being careful of this we seek the former, purer striving

To both appreciate & allow one's self to be appreciated

Without us concerning ourselves with comparing or measuring the two.

Just as the buddhists believe we continue incarnate.

We should learn to appreciate the importance of the transmigration of the soul

In THIS Life

And how it continues after we die.

If we strive to truely see, hear & feel all those around us

As often as possible

With clear & open hearts , minds & ears ...

The person that they have become

Becomes part of who we are.

They touch us.

Whether we learn by their example or words , good & bad.

We place these memories in us so we don't forget.

They become part of who we are.

We may want to be more like our lover . Friend .

Or choose not to be like our parents

Or wrong--doer .

You can listen without doing what your told.

You can hear without following suit.

We can learn from all.

All our experience that has made us the person we are,

If we are open & willing to share

We share our experiences & thoughts with others & they in turn

For the rest of their life , will share their experiences & thoughts with many others we will never meet.

Whether it's good or bad , part of us lives in the people we share our life with .

We often forget how important our time sharing is.

And not be stiffled & drowned in the loneliness & frigidity of the many.

We should always try to learn to be more open to sharing our lives.

Doing this assures us a sure & very real , everlasting eternal life.

We try to give some part of us to our children.

And each person who knows us , knows others we will never know.

The me that has become part of you becomes the you that you share with the people you know

That I may never know .

You share that part of you that is part of me & I share with others what I have learned from you.

I share the you in me, that has effected me, as long as I live

It is part of me.

As long as I live , part of you will live.

And vice versa

Our children, family, friends , enemies, lovers, haters ....

Change in some small way by the people that have helped mold them.

They inturn pass some part of this on.

This is not a short term effect.

Consciousness is spead .

Ideas become viruses.

True change (in even perception) can happen.

We all become connected

In many, many ways

The more we see this connection , this life blood

The better , more aware person we become

The more we are part of everything

The everything we are part of

And always will be

Will always exist .

Insures your eternal being

Living one's life in this mannor makes one a just & humble soul .

Which is kind of like saying :

"Living your life without "sin" ; in the right way ; will be rewarded with everlasting life".

When it is actually the (realized) living itself that "creates" the everlasting life.

There is no higher a power you need to approve of to accomplish this immortality.

Living is not easy, but doing the best we can , openly ,

Sharing as much as we can

Not shuting down or turning off parts of ourselves

Allows us to truely live .

There is more in the here & now than we give credit to.

They say we get what we deserve.

The more we discover in the here & now , (everyday)

The closer we begin to touch eternity .



______________________________

"All that is not given is lost"

---- Hasari Pal

______________________________


______________________________


"What we do in life, echoes in eternity."

Philosophically & mentally in a really good place.
Ya know that feeling when everything , i mean everything , spiritually kinda fits... falls into place , like the last piece of a puzzle sort o thing.
Where you see the connections between all things & that they are in fact all one universal thing.
All part of a singular whole.
And my role is played out as it should.
Like the Beatles said....
"I am you , & you are me & we are all together...."
That combined with some "be here now".
In THIS moment.
Everything is happening at exactly the right moment.
I wrote that one my refrigirator a few years back.
I mean thats always where my head is at really,
its just surged lately. Seeing it everywhere. In many, many things, in different ways. Connecting.
Connecting principle. Synchronicity. Satori.

http://wilber.shambhala.com/html/misc/pathwa_titoat.cfm/xid,5511988/yid,99852938
_________________________________________________

From "Seekers to Finders: The Myth and Reality about Enlightenment"
Excerpts from Chapter 8. Does Anyone Really Know What Enlightenment Is?

"Of all the topics in the realms of spirituality, this is the most confusing one I have come across. Enlightenment generally refers to living in a state of awakened, cosmic consciousness; to oneness, freedom, fulfillment, self-realization, and so on.

What I mean by enlightenment is that a person has gradually, or sometimes suddenly, remembered who they are at their core essence. The ancient memory that Consciousness is all there is, and I am That, comes from a forgotten, deeply hidden place in our own consciousness. Once the first glimpse of this comes to the foreground of memory, a slight Shift in the perception of reality starts to affect our daily lives. The big illusion that we have free will and choice-that we are "the doer"-fades away as the glimpses get longer and more frequent. Eventually we are swept away into the rapture of total freedom of knowing who you are. I try to stay away from using the word enlightenment and use the word Shift to prevent the confusion of 5,000 years of building the 'E word' into a
giant, unfathomable myth. I call it a Shift because that's what really happens.

A person enters the world as Source in appearance. However, the game plan of Infinite Intelligence is that we enter a body in a state of forgetfulness of who we really are. We think that in the third-dimensional world, we are the "doers" of our destiny. This idea of "doing" then creates all the negative emotions that naturally flow from the disappointments set up by expectations in the first place. This is as it should be. The whole purpose of life in the third dimension is to know ourselves fully, and that includes the shadow side of the Source, once we find ourselves located in a dimension of duality and polar opposites.

Under normal circumstances, a person lives an average of some 70 years without having a clue of being One with the energy that is the Source of all seen and unseen realities. Then at death comes the big "Ah-ha!" experience of their whole life. Source has been playing hide and seek with itself for a whole lifetime-and now, at the moment of passing, we suddenly realize that we are not the limited, powerless, separated being we thought we were. Source has found itself after a lifetime of confusion and seeking.

The Shift happening now is the first in recorded history. Instead of sleepwalking through life then waking up and remembering our true nature and identity only at the moment of death, a multitude of seekers are actually remembering this while still alive and functioning in a body.

Who are the seekers?

They are those of us who are consciously aware now and have been for most of this lifetime that we have a deep longing and yearning to "go home" and know the thoughts of God. We feel as if we ended up on the wrong planet by some huge cosmic mistake in the shipping department. What drives and motivates the other 99 percent of the population-things like normal family life, careers with eight-to-five jobs, social and recreational activities, and the like-don't give enough juice to fulfill us. We crave something more. We don't even know what it is exactly that we need, but it has something to do with God and our interactive relationship therein.

Now out of the blue comes some new kind of cosmic energy field that changes our perception of everything that used to get us through this third dimension. First of all, our longing has been cranked up to maximum intensity. Nothing satisfies us now but a movement toward oneness. We get precipitated into a long period I call the dark night of the soul. While languishing there our bodies seem to be undergoing some kind of electrical rewiring to handle the higher frequency of the Shift.

Then come first glimpses of the Shift in subtle memories of who we are. They come and we think, 'Ah, now I am in the Shift into the fourth dimension that Nadeen is talking about.' but then they vanish, leaving us depressed and disappointed. They return, with a glimpse longer and deeper than before, only to slip away again. With time these glimpses begin to stabilize into a permanent state of absolutely knowing and understanding that Consciousness is all there is and I am That.

The really big Shift is evident when you understand: Not only am I That, but everyone is also That. (Far from the normal state of affairs on earth here, aptly summed up by Jean-Paul Sartre, "Hell is other people!")

Contrary to conventional wisdom, enlightenment is not an act - it's not St. Paul getting knocked off his horse by lightning, as in the New Testament. You are not suddenly and fully Shifted into a new dimension of perception and awareness. Not even close! Does the sun just pop up from the horizon and show up overhead in a flash? Nature takes it slow and easy in its unfoldment. After all, we have all eternity at our disposal.

Get used to the idea that if you're reading this book, you're definitely a seeker, already involved deeply in this Shift I keep talking about. The Shift has nothing to do with the concepts you imagined might happen around the idea of someone waking up while in a body. It's so subtle and gradual that your closest friends and family aren't even aware that you are changing so dramatically. You may not even realize how drastically your perception of reality is Shifting. It's almost never sudden or permanent.

It generally takes a dark night of the soul, a rewiring of your whole electrical energy grid, and a few years of deliverance. Then you can stand up before a whole circle of Satsang participants and say with total knowing and confidence: "I am That, and this understanding has propelled every aspect of my life into a dimension of new and total freedom." "

"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the 'Universe,' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest -- a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."

-Albert Einstein
___________________________

This really sums up how I've been feeling lately.
I'll have to type up the pages I wrote on this & reincarnation the other day. I have like 4 journals i write in often , almost filled, & a microcasette recorder in my car.
I want a digital recorder that will record tons of one line stuff [so more than 100 things] so i can upload it to my hard drive.
I havent found one with alot of memory yet. That can stay in my car 120+ degree summer heat. [in glove box, etc..]
At least take a relatively same abuse of not loosing
data as the microcasette.

I was reading the above Einstein quote thinking how buddhist it was.
How it is like the eco-spiritual writings traditionally [& wrongly] thought to be by the indian Chief Seattle on how we are connected to everything.
Then found this :
__________________________

"Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic religion for the future: it transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology; it covers both the natural & spiritual, and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity."

"If there is any religion that would cope with modern scientific needs it would be Buddhism."

"I believe in Spinoza's God who reveals Himself in the orderly harmony of what exists, not in a God who concerns himself with fates and actions of human beings."

-- Albert Einstein
__________________________

[1954, from Albert Einstein: The Human Side, edited by Helen Dukas and Banesh Hoffman, Princeton University Press]
__________________________

"Individual existence impresses him as a sort of prison and he wants to experience the universe as a single cosmic whole. The beginnings of cosmic religious feeling already appear at an early stage of development, as an example in the Psalms of David and in some of the Prophets.
Buddhism, as we have learned especially from the wonderful writings of Schopenhaur, contains a much stronger element of this."

-- Albert Einstein, 1905


"I want to know the mind of God, all the rest is details"

--Albert Einstein
__________________________________

http://www.lanka.com/dhamma/misc/science2.htm

More on Einstein & religion :

http://search.britannica.com/frm_redir.jsp?query=einstein&redir=http://www.stcloud.msus.edu/~lesikar/ESR.html

or if that doesn't work try :

http://www.stcloud.msus.edu/~lesikar/ESR.html

"If you cannot find the ultimate meaning of your existence in doing the dishes and chopping wood, you will never find it."
-- Suzuki

"The spiritual life means being aware that this moment now, this day, this wonder, this touch, this smell, this event, this happening will never again come this way within this context. Celebrate it. It can change your life. I promise you.
Remember that as e.e. cummings said,

"life is not a paragraph . . .
and death, I think, is no parenthesis." "

[from http://www.banned-books.com/truth-seeker/1995archive/122_2/toc.html ]

Too lazy to be ambitious,
I let the world take care of itself.
Ten days' worth of rice in my bag;
a bundle of twigs by the fireplace.
Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment?
Listening to the night rain on my roof,
I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out.

-Ryokan
_______________________________________________

http://poetry.dobyns.com/Ryokan/

" stand with your lover on the ending earth-

and while a(huge which by which huger than
huge)whoing sea leaps to greenly hurl snow

suppose we could not love,dear;imagine

ourselves like living neither nor dead these
(or many thousand hearts which don't and dream
or many million minds which sleep and move)
blind sands,at pitiless the mercy of

time time time time time

-how fortunate are you and i,whose home
is timelessness:we who have wandered down
from fragrant mountains of eternal now

to frolic in such mysteries as birth
and death a day(or maybe even less) "

----ee cummings

________________________________

"It has been far too long since we sat beneath the summer moon together
& talked of pleasant fripperies,
of that & of this,
& left others to speak sensible things of import & consequence"

-- neil gaiman [Sandman]

April 2002,

What could a grown music loving boy like me want better than a new computer with a fast burner & a cable connection. I tell ya ...I think I've burned about 70 cds in the past week or so. Borrowing from friends that dont have burners & making them a couple for the loan. So I'm getting all the "All natural lemon & lime flavors" & Sasha & Digweed
that I can find.
Last week I went to another of the Mississippi Academy of Ancient Music concerts.
A choral group from Oxford , England called the Tallis Scholars were here.
It was so nice. All music from the 1400s. The acoustics in the church they get on loan for these evenings is perfect.
I decided after that.. That is what church SHOULD be.
You go. Hear beautiful , soothing , peaceful , music & then you leave.

Tommorrow I see The Beta Band & the Crossroads Film Festival starts.
So I'll be watching films, meeting & partying with the filmmakers with lots of my friends.
So , its tons of movies, with dinner, drinks & such in between , with lots of cool cats.
Receptions, after parties @ private clubs...free drinks. Good times.
Last year was the big "O brother where are't though" year.
The only thing of national pre-recognition in film this year is "Lalee's Kin".
Done locally with local filmakers , etc... was nominated for an academy award for best documentary feature. It airs on HBO next month.
The best movie of the crossroads film fest 2 years ago [The first film fest here.]
was a movie called PUNKS. Writing , star, director is from here. It was nominated for an Independent Spirit award this year. I have some friends that know & work in Hollywood & NYC when not here that know these guys to come & show their films before anyone else does. Pretty neat.

I just found out that in 2 weeks when I go see Spiritualized, that Black Rebel Motorcycle Club is opening! Man, what a great show! Thats gonna be great!

Sasha & Digweed is playing next month!

I hope things are well with all or you.

Driving into New Orleans we are on the long bridge coming in from the west over all the swampy wetlands.
We take out the Jim Carroll CD & tune into the local Alternative station on the radio.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club is announced , details explained on the night's gig , how they're opening for Spiritualized, @ the House of Blues.
They do an in-studio acoustic! 2 song teaser on air.
They do "Love Burns" & "Whatever happened to Rock & Roll".
Pretty cool hearing acoustic version of such an usually electric sound.
It was really nice & got me stoked for the show as we drove into town.

We park. Hit a few of the record shops , book stores & choice shopping places.
A get a few good ideas to look for things to download.
Picked up the usual free copy of the IFC Rant [magazine/ifc listing] @ the local Landmark Indie Movie House.

We get Shrimp Po-boys & drinks @ a french market cafe.
Prep for the show.
Walk over to the House of Blues.
See the usual pretty & expected assailants walking the streets toward the gig.

We go in. Get the parking slip validated.
Head into the main room.
It's a very light turn out right now. [Surprising]
I chat with the t-shirt seller a bit.
Buy a few assundry goods. T-shirt for Helene.
I hope she'll like it. .....

We get drinks & make the scene.
Newcastle is the beer to get tonight.
Not exactly a wide assortment.
The places we usually hang out in Jackson,MS puts their assortment to shame.

We go upstairs to sit away from the crowds & get our smoke on.
Nice couches & such @ the upstairs balcony bar.
There are only a few people up here right now.
We're at a table , over looking the stage.
Right behind the VIP row.
And 4 guys with passes walk up sit down in front of us.
[In the VIP row]
Their 5th person on the end is Trent [fuckin] Reznor, of Nine Inch Nails!
They walk up & sit down right in front of us.
He's had a house in New Orleans for several years.
[Sonic Boom supposedly has a New Orleans house also, Spectrum has played at a small dive 3 times in the past year]
Trent's not wearing no badge.
I guess he don't need to wear no stinking badges.
Cause he's "Trent [Fuckin] Reznor".
Seems like a good show I'd want to see I would think, if I was Trent Reznor, so it fits.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club starts to come out, so we leave our celebrity view for down front & center.

They kick off the hour set & it takes me back to seeing Jesus & Mary Chain in their hey day. Rockin me out.
Smoke fills. Lights blur.
I squint to the buzz that echoes the language that I custom.
It is quite nice. Right on. A great set. A great set of songs.
They did their own show here just 2 months ago , back tonight to support Spiritualized. I totally love the jams they kick.
Heads bob through out the house.
I glance up @ Trent. He seems to be enjoying the show.
Claps after every song. All that.
A good time. I want to see them play a long time.
But it's all good.
They have a strobe light right behind the drummer, pointed front. He's slamming the skins, sticks flying in the Stone Smoke Hair in My Face strobe gaze .

Spiritualized is slated to play 2 hours.
They bring out the set list & see a list of 15 songs.
Can't make them out. There are a few folks in front of me.
I tally....let's see thats 8 mintues a song minus breaks between encores. [Killer]
[Stoked]
A usual fellow hear's us tallying , he tells us he's friends with 3 of the guys in the band, & that they'll definitely play MORE than 2 hours. We chat.
Talks about his time with Jason.
He mentions that the keyboard player is from COIL !
I did not know that!
Apparently one of the lesser fellows from COIL has been in Spiritualized for some time. I don't know if he's on the last album. I'll have to do an internet search later.
The crowd thickens up to a respectable level. Not going to sell out though.

The 7 member band comes out....
Jason on guitar. 2 other guitarists. A bassist.
And 2 percussion players.
[One drums, etc... the other on a vibraphone thingy]
They kick into a jammin version of "Electricity" from Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space.
The sound is right ON. All over me. Intense.
Instant [BAM] , blow the roof off kind of jam I'm talking.
They blend from one song to the next to the next.
3 songs in perfect fuck-on execution with the finest way to transition from a fast song to a slow that I have ever seen.
They don't rush any note & could not have possibly EVER played it any better than they are right NOW!
I am totally blown away by their choice of songs & how they are arranged.
They pause for a 4-5 second drink of beverage after like 20 minutes.

Psychedelic. , totally there! & everything I want it to be & more. These guys are phenomenal live musicians just like I've always heard. They have guys standing on each wing to trade out guitars between songs.
I am getting that fuzzy feeling I've gotten @ the 3 best shows I have EVER seen in my life.

The Sisters of Mercy show I saw in Atlanta a while back when he had no album to support & played everything! All the coolest from all his career.

The Atlanta , Dead Can Dance show in 93 was the first date on their American Tour ... The first time they've to america in a long time, & this was the first american date since they began to get so popular.

The Creatures & Siouxsie & the Banshees shows I've seen.
She is the Diva of the live music Alternative world after all.
Her stage presence owns her audience.

As good as any show I've ever seen.
Love & Rockets the time the Bubblemen came out.
David Bowie - Sound + Vision tour , outside.
[mid-late 80's] The Church + Peter Murphy + Tom Verlaine [of Television] .
Pink Floyd .
Stereolab , Curve, The first few Lollapaloozas....

They play alot from the new album, 80 % of Ladies & Gentlemen,
& others of all eras.
The crowd is all over it. Blown away. Like me.
We smoke on through.
I feel sorry for all you sons a bitches that like them & dont go see them. O MY GOD !
They play Spacemen 3's "WALKING WITH JESUS" . 100 small beams of light cut through from behind every member on stage , like some sort of angelic migration.
through the haze. Strobes flash bright & I squint.
I'm flailing back & forth, always wishing I'd hear these songs , like this.
My eyes close & I see the red imprint of strobe flicks all around the inside of my lids.
To the beat of the music.
It feels like the beautiful seizure of a perfect moment.
It is psychedelic intoxication of the finest kind.
I remember moments like these I have had.
This is what it was like.
That Pink Floyd show. Those other times I mentioned earlier.
All the nuances of every sound of every instrument perfectly played & heard.

"Electricity"
"I think I'm In Love"
"All of My Tears"
"WALKING WITH JESUS"
"Come Together"
"Medication"

Tons more... i don't even remember . They blend perfectly.
Through some of the slower spacey ones my eyes were closed, but on those slow ones I occasionally stared at the two lesbians kissing up front.
I thought it was somehow very nice .
Music, visuals..... like a good art film. Spacy , psychedelic music as 2 girls kiss slowly. Nice.

They do Spacemen 3's "Take Me To The Other Side" .
Which has to be one of the finest moments I have ever experienced. Period.
After which they leave the stage.

They come back. Applaud the audience back.
Do a really long version of Spacemen 3's "Lord Can You Hear Me ?"

They play like 2 hours 15 minutes. One 5 minute break .

....

Jesus Christ.

What a great show !
______________________________________

NEW ORLEANS - HOUSE OF BLUES - 4/17/02
COMPLETE SET LIST

ELECTRICITY.....[from "Ladies & Gentlemen We're Floating In Space"]
SHINE A LIGHT........[Lazer guided melodies]
ELECTRIC MAINLINE....[Pure Phase]
ALL OF MY TEARS......[Pure Phase]
OUT OF SIGHT.........[Let It Come Down]
ON FIRE..............[Let It Come Down]
WALKING WITH JESUS...[Spacemen 3 & reissued on "Live at Albert Hall"]
MEDICATION...........[Pure Phase]
TAKE YOUR TIME.......[Lazer guided melodies]
BROKEN HEART.............[Ladies & Gentlemen We're Floating In Space]
THINK I'M IN LOVE........[Ladies & Gentlemen We're Floating In Space]
DON'T JUST DO SOMETHING....[Let It Come Down]

COME TOGETHER.............[Ladies & Gentlemen We're Floating In Space]
TAKE ME TO THE OTHER SIDE......[Spacemen 3]

LORD CAN YOU HEAR ME......[Spacemen 3 & reissued on "Let It Come Down"]

April 18.

------------------------------------------

 Went to the new Borders. Neat music listening feature. Got a book.
Recorded a bunch of new cds , borrowed from Nina. Awesome. Thanks girl. Saw "Frailty" with Bill Paxton. Its pretty thought provoking. Killing in the name of God. The different ways it can be justified. Interting flick. Going to another Mississippi Academy of Ancient Music concert tonight.
Stuff from like the 1600's played on period instruments. All that.

Been thinking.....

We (as humans) can duplicate audio, images & even working out the bugs on perfecting the duplication of living beings.
I wonder how long it will be before we can duplicate inanimate , 3 dimensional objects.
Ya know... like on Star Trek.
Just thinking how much such a seemingly viable thing could change us as a species.
We can duplicate all these other "things" , how will the ability to duplicate "objects" effect our ideas of capitalism, trade, commerce, consumerism , etc...
I was watching "Big Thinkers" on Tech TV & they had a guy on their talking about Nanotechnology.
He talked about how nanotechnology will influence molecular design like this in the next 50 years.
He compared it to a microwave ,.... this kitchen appliance.... pour in its equivilent to toner, hit the buttons for what you want it to create.
2 hours later you have a toaster or something.
[Funny thing to create old appliances with such a fancy appliance] .

It seems like the kind of kick in the ass our materialistic society needs. If we all can have what each other has, what then should we focus our strivings on ?

Last night was the http://www.crossroadsfilmfest.com
1st film on the Library of Congress / American Movie Classics [AMC] Film Preservation Tour's MS. stop.
We had a reception @ this country club for Janet Leigh
[co-starring acclaimed role in the original "PSYCHO"].
So i got to chat with her. Everyone got pictures taken. The Library of Congress people & AMC people & Janet spoke.
I got liquored up!!!
Then we all went down the road for a showing of Orson Well's "Touch of Evil" [Charleton Heston, Orson Wells, Marlene Deitrich, Janet Leigh] . They spoke more. Did a Q & A. Got on the news. [Glad I pissed before I went in.]
It was a packed house. Sold out.
Theres a great line up the rest of the week too.
All big screen 35mm.
Raging Bull, Dr. Strangelove, The Searchers, Easy Rider,
Chinatown, On the Waterfront, etc...
And Amelie finally started playing here so i get to see that!!!!
Even though its 6 months after everyone else.
There is getting to be a tad more bigger city, indie credibility.
Thanks in part to our local film festival.
There is a growing crowd for these old films.
I hope this segways to the actual festival the end of next month.
I hope it'll be really succesful.

Man. http://208.242.114.231/coachella/
I would really love to go to Coachella on April 27 & 28.
I wonder if I could swing a cross country weekend music jaunt like that.
Hmmmmmmm...
Perhaps taking a 3 day drive over. Spend the $125 for the tix for both days.
After take 3 days back.
If I can find some takers to split gas , driving & lodgings.
I heard rooms @ the festival are like $80 a night.
Twood be a good cross-country adventure.
Philip says he'd like to go, take his DV camera.
Make the cool stops along the way & back again.
Hmmmmm...

Lately I'm only home 1-2 days a week. I'm off to Jackson again today.

For those of you who've seen it, here is
one analysis of Lynch's "Mulholland Drive".
There are others out there also, for those who want to search.
I understand Lynch's use of metaphor , symbolism, & analogy more than they do. But it's not bad. Seeing "Lynch on Lynch" is really nice also. It explains alot about how he thinks. I wonder if they still put out his fan magazine "Wrapped In Plastic".
It use to be really cool. Name comes from Laura Palmer in Twin Peaks being "wrapped in plastic".

 "There is a greater darkness than the one we fight.
It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way.
The war we fight is not against powers and principalities,
it is against chaos and despair.
Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams.
Against this peril we can never surrender."
The future is all around us,
waiting in moments of transition to be born in moments of revelation.
No-one knows the shape of that future, or where it will take us.
We know only that it is always born in pain.

- The Book of G'Quon

The Top 25 dance albums are as follows:

1. DJ Shadow - 'Endtroducing' (1996)
2. Chemical Brothers - 'Exit Planet Dust' (1995)
3. Orbital - 'Untitled (The Brown Album) (1993)
4. Primal Scream - 'Screamadelica (1991)
5. BT - 'Ima (1995)
6. LFO - 'Frequencies (1991)
7. The Orb - 'Adventures Beyond The Ultraworld' (1991)
8. Daft Punk - 'Homework' (1997)
9. Kraftwerk - 'Trans-Europe Express' (1977)
10. Underworld - 'Dubnobasswithmyheadman' (1993)
11. Soul II Soul - 'Club Classics Volume One' (1988)
12. Aphex Twin - 'Selected Ambient Works 85-92' (1992)
13. KLF - 'The White Room' (1991)
14. Massive Attack - 'Blue Lines' (1991)
15. The Future Sound Of London - 'Accelerator' (1991)
16. Soft Cell - 'Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret' (1981)
17. Nicolette - 'Let Nobody Live Rent Free In Your Head' (1996)
18. Air - 'Moon Safari' (1998)
19. Public Enemy - 'It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back' (1998)
20. Happy Mondays - 'Pills 'N' Thrills And Bellyaches'
21. Leftfield - 'Leftism' (1995)
22. Negativland - 'Escape From Noise' (1987)
23. The Prodigy - 'Music For The Jilted Generation'
24. Basement Jaxx - 'Remedy' (1999)
25. Fatboy Slim - 'Halfway Between The Gutter And The Stars' (2000)
_________________________

Lollapaloozas
_________________________

On the back of my 91 stubb i wrote :

Rollins Band
Nine Inch Nails
Ice-T
Butthole Surfers
Living Color
Siouxsie & the Banshees
Jane's Addiction
________________________________

On the back of my 92 stubb I wrote :
Lush
Pearl Jam
Jesus & Mary Chain
Soundgarden
Ice Cube
Ministry
Red Hot Chili Peppers

with Porno 4 Pyros on stage 2.
____________________________

http://www.addict.com/issues/1.07/Features/Lolla/93.html

dinosaur jr.
front 242
primus
rage against the machine
alice in chains
_____________________________

94: http://trident.mcs.kent.edu/~cstone/lolla/lol94.html
Smashing Pumpkins
Beastie Boys
George Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars
Breeders
A Tribe Called Quest
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
L7
Green Day
Stereolab & the buddhist monks on the 2nd stage.

I got to hang out with Laetitia along time. We sat in the grass & chatted.
This was like the 2nd or 3rd time we'd hung out.
_________________

95: http://trident.mcs.kent.edu/~cstone/lolla/lol95.html

As it approaches Mardi Gras with me living 90 miles from New Orleans I start seeing old friends names on the phone's caller I.D.
I'm a single homeowner with 2 spare beds & time to host. Cheaper than the prices they try to charge down there this time of year. I bet its been crazy down there with the Superbowl & all. So I'll be stocking the liquor cabinet & frig with beer & snacks & cleaning the house up tidy this week. Gotta wash the spare sheets.
I don't have visitors very often so its nice.

Its especially nice when people from far away come so i can show off Herman's Wierd Places to go.
"Rudy's Old Hat" is a delapatated junk store in town ran by an old eccentric , shirtless, raw cabbage eating man with 30 wild cats. The store is a maze of junk you can get lost in [literally] . Many of the rows have been closed off with more junk some 20 years ago.
From junk hanging from the ceiling to rows of mazes of junk.
It is truely shocking. The owner has these crazy rules for shopping there and he goes over them with you every visit.
For your own safety .... no climbing. [There are mountains of junk after all]
He doesn't like anyone to bring jewlrey or cash into his store. Leave in in the car.
Transactions made in the front yard where your car is after you shop.
He has crazy rules & philosophies written in black magic markers on old cabinets among the junk. Very low light. Old buzzing bud neon signs, or such.
He tells you if you find something you like he'll make ya a little better deal on it for ya.
After you've gone through for 30 minutes or so he'll come up behind you, sort of following to check to see if you've found anything & if you have he asks to take it from you to hold it up front . [This insures a sale & that you don't change your mind., Or that you dont mis-place your object de junk out of its original place where he cant find it. He's quite a shrewd business minded eccentric.

Anyway. It'll be good to have visitors. I need to find some new friends.
They all are busy, & drifted off into the routine of their lives & lovers.
I suck at meeting new people.
I don't understand the process.
Everyone seems to rarely look up from behind their scheduled routine.

I guess i need a change. Something new.
Movies, music, work. The rare, cool party at a friends hanging out.

I need to get out of the south for a long vacation. Change o scenery.

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." -Bertrand Russell

I figure some of the best ideas & thoughts I've ever had went forgotten because i couldn't find a pen to write it down. Over the years i go long periods trying to keep one in my pockets to jot notes. Poetry. Ideas.
Yesterday i got this great new pen. A Cross "Ion".
http://www.cross.com/ionpromo.asp?
It hooks to your key ring. And telescopes open to make it a good length & opens the point. Leak proof too, for pockets. No way to open it without two hands removing the cap that keeps it from telescoping open . Very cool. Thats money well spent!

" You know the reason why some nights you don't have a dream ?
When there's just blackness ? And total silence ?

Well, this is the reason :
It's because on that night
you are in somebody else's dream.

And this is the reason you can't be in your own dream
because you're already busy
in somebody else's dream."

---- Laurie Anderson

"In this dream, I'm not a person, I'm a place. "


" Your eyes. It's a day's work looking into them.
Your eyes. It's a day's work just looking into them. "

I was thinking of this prosey Walter Abish book, Minds Meet.
Everything is 3rd person. Even all the character's thoughts , & communication.
And somewhere along the way you see how the thoughts mingle.
My friend paul & i talked about adapting it into a movie once, @ least a short.

In sitcoms like Alley McBeal they sometimes show the differing crazy thoughts that a character is thinking. An exaggerated imagination. There is that sitcom where the main nerd guy is a sports fan, & you see his thoughts appear as sports analolgies, changing depending on how he's doing in the scene. "off sides. 5 yard penalty"
There once was a show called "Herman's Head" that showed all the wierdness this guy thought. Only have in this short everyones thoughts. the differences between what they want, think, and what they say. how miscommunication happens.
how people connect differently than what they let on.
Could work.

I was also thinking of popular classic cartoons that could be adapted to live action.
Remember when Bugs Bunny goes to the mad scientist & finds that huge , hairy orange monster with a dented in head ~~. Get a crispin glover - james dean type to be the alienated monster. Turn it into a dramatic social satire. A darker comedy.
No bunny costumes . Like how wolverine in the x-men live action movie looked.
Like the cartoon look but not cartoonish.

1.       IF YOU COULD BUILD YOUR HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

In the fictional world on The Flying Island of Laputa from Gulliver's Travels.
Kicking it surreal & absurd style to travel to the next destination.
That way I wouldn't have to confine myself to one place.
I could drop ladders & visit Spain or Berlin or Ireland or see green Swiss Alps or Turkey.
Go up north to see the Northern Lights.
The eastern US Mountains like in North Carolina up to New England I really love.
I love mountains to lush jungle & waterfalls.
I enjoy being out in the woods like a secluded cabin & I like New York City lofts, or a London castle. Being able to enjoy the art, culture, and entertainment of a big city.
Or a Frank Lloyd Wright house like Falling Water.
Of course I'd like all my loved ones there, in this dream world.
I'm these impossible combinations I love. It's nice to travel & change up where my house would be.


2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
something comfy. I've worn out quite a few of those peasant shirts with puffy sleeves from Kruz ethnic boutique in new orleans. They catch the breeze quite lovingly. And when i had long hair. Man. the wind through long hair is aesthetic bliss.


3. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?

What's not to like? i love the female form. From the eyes to the small of the back.
Those tattoos that girls put on the lower small of her back as it begins to curve out to her butt,
drives * me * crazy. Legs. Hips. I love the trend of girls wearing pants low on their hips with a shirt too small, exposing thier waist & tummy. Those navel rings or anything that accentuates all that. The nape of the neck. Do i need to go on ?

4. WHAT'S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?

My most recent was made for me @ my request. Massive Attack. love the trip hop

5. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?

After question 3 ? [in raspy sexy voice] In the arms of a lover.
My head in their lap , staring up at the sky, talking to each other about everything & anything.
loving life. Being with friends is nice. Or playing with Loden. [also see #1]

6. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
any place with nastiness. anger. attitude. threatening places. Funerals . Boss's office.

7. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED ?

anywhere, any place, any time. love the massage.

8. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?

stronger mind, healthy body

9. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?

Differs. Whenever i need to.

10. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV. SHOW?

I use to like Twin Peaks , X-files. I like 6-feet under. I don't regularly watch anything.
I watch more movies. Dennis Miller. Daily Show. I like funny stuff too.

11. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?

Practical[most used]= microwave . most aestheticly pleasing = my toaster or blender

12. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY?

I just wrote about this in my online journal.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/hsnell/
http://geocities.com/hwsnell/afterlife.htm
When i was 3 or 4 [1974] me and my parents went on these long driving trips.
My sister whose 6 years younger wasn't born yet.
We drove alot @ night , my dad had a white Monte Carlo,
I wanted him to have a green mustang like a teenage boy up the road.
You know that area behind the back seat , where the speakers are,
@ the back glass....
I would lay across that area , across the width of the car.
i was small enough to fit perfectly , without bending my knees.
Back then parents weren't as worried about strapping kids in & all that.
i would put my cheek against the cold glass [rear window] and get a bit of
a view of the stars above.
I would stay there for what seemed like all night.
Staring at stars for hours.
I dont remember thinking anything at all. Just wonder.
So many stars on deserted highways.
I've always like astronomy.

13. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
I like british wit alot. Terry Gilliam. Monty Python. Smack the Pony. Eddie Izzard [who plays Charlie Chaplin in an upcoming movie] to like good slapstick , silly, cheesey humor.
Ben Stiller. Steve Martin.
Mystery Men rocks my cheese ! I'm Gonna Git You Sucka ....


14. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?

I don't really get angry. I try not to or try not to let things bug me.
I try to understand why people do what they do & give them slack.
I'm more likely to think I'm being selfish rather than being taken advantage of .
And bad things make me feel sad more than angry. I don't wanna bother thinking about things that bug me. I don't want them to bug me but they do... Like people who say their going to do something & they don't. I expect to see them or call or something & they don't.
It's disappointing. I saw an old friend for like 5 minutes , a few weeks ago, that I haven't seen in a long time. I don't have their #. I gave them mine. We were once very close. They live nearby. I'll probably never hear from them. Sucks.

15. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Guitar or Piano or Hammered Dulcimer

16. FAVORITE RESTAURANT / CAFE / EATERY?

The Imperial Fez [Morrocan] Atlanta , Curry House [Indian] Atlanta ,
great chinese . Keifers in jxn. [Greek] , this old defunct Pizza Gourmet place in Hattiesburg.

17. SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

The birth of my son. No one tells you what they look like when they first come out.
Bloody, Blue-Purple-ish. I think I held my breathe until they cut the cord & gave him the spank. For those few seconds I was freaked out.

I've had alot of experiences...from embarrasing moments in 2nd grade opening a ketchup packet & getting it all in my hair, the name calling "Herman Monster" & such to fearing punishment [getting beat] from my dad to upside down rollercoasters to dangerous moments to morbid moments like finding my best friend after he shot himself. Deciding between first aid & a sheet to cover him.

18. IF THERE WAS A MOVIE MADE ABOUT YOU, WHAT CURRENT/
FORMER HOLLYWOOD STAR WOULD PLAY YOU?

Ha. #1 Jack Black !!!
Eddie Izzard. Terry Gilliam. William S. Burroughs, I dunno. Who do you think should play me ?

For my serious , more philosophical side...

A good friend of mine told me one time the famous person/character [above all] I am most like is the thinker-philosophical character, "Chris" , in Northern Exposure.
The one with the radio show that chats about life.
Goes off to commune in the woods with the Inuits or re-evaluate what he thinks of things. Re-aligns his perceptions. Partys with bikers.
That was nice of him to say.
Ya know the guy I'm talking about ?


19. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?

Now thats a long conversation. I believe in possibility rather than probability.
I believe in faith but I think everybody has their own path to find & walk.
What is right for them.
I believe in reincarnation. I've had 4 experiences where I have recalled past memories & past lives as well as future lives. I think the after life is not what most people think it is.
I'm open to the idea of being energy forever, perhaps even conscious energy forever. The soul.
I'm also open to the idea of being a live oak or a redwood & living a 1,000 years.
I think that touching people's lives now & sharing with loved ones is the most important thing.
And that passing on or passing down our thoughts ,ideas, dreams, love & every single thing we are
to the people we love gives us everlasting life. Everyone I know helps me . If we try & learn from the good & bad that chances us. Everything I have learned from everyone I've ever known is part of me. They live in me. They become part of me. We are all connected.
I become part of them. The people we touch. All the people I have known & touch , meet people the rest of their lives.. They pass a little of what I am to these people I have never met.
This is how we change the world. By sharing what we are. Playing our noble part.
This sort of everlasting life is just as valid , just as important as any thing preached in church ! There is a part of me in my child , in my best friends. They say we are connected by 6 Degrees of Seperation. I saw we are indeed connected to everything.

Try to be all that you can, all that you dream. Share it . Don't let it rot. Give it away.
Love. Express yourself in as many ways as you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Talk deeply, really think, take time for your loved ones, its more important than money.
Make art, mixed tapes, bad pottery, keep a journal, be kind . Pass it on !

20. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?

Zoom. Re-zoom. Dr. Seuss. Shel Silverstein.

21. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?

I love all the seasons. #1 Fall. #2 Spring . But during each season there are moments when I change. [Liking best whatever season it is]


22. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?

Washing the dishes. Cleaning the bathroom.

23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Time travel. Does that count ? How about psychic powers. Reading minds, predicting the future.

24. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?

I have 2. A mycenian butterfly [kind of moth-ish] on my inner right ankle . From a necklace I have . & 2 chinese characters intertwined between my shoulder blades, just below the base of my neck, from Alan Watts last book [its on taoism], meaning.. the watercourse way. The way of water. go with the flow. simplicity.
Like Jim Morrison said "Take it easy baby. Take it as it comes."
I have good stories that lead me to get those particular tatoos.[by the way]

25. Who WAS YOUR FIRST LOVE?

age 16 . Kathy Hearn.

26. WHAT SONG DO YOU WISH YOU HAD WRITTEN?

I dunno. Thats hard. Felt- Primitive Painters , or
Love & Rockets- Yin & Yang the Flower Pot Man ,
or Jimi Hendrix- Are you Experienced ? .

27. DO YOU PREFER CAT'S OR DOG'S

I'm allergic . So i can't pet really pet them without washes my hands immediately. So i come across as uncaring for pets. But i like both, both have their place.
Not too hyper , nor hurt you or bitch too much.

28. What's IN THE BOOT (TRUNK) OF YOUR CAR?

All purpose , "be prepared" , Eagle Scout emergency/first aid kit, [includes rope, bandages, CPR stuff, fix a flat...] , medical supply stuff for work , movies, cds, ... its always full.

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY?

Saturday play day. Anything goes. Everythings open.
As relaxed or as busy as i want.

30. USING ONLY ONE WORD DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

Good God. Thats hard. How about.... Eclectic.

31. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS.

I can't say enough nice things about Sam. She's my ideal woman.
Most perfect, lovely & great in everyway.
One nice thing..... She makes me very sad , cause there's no one like her in my everyday life.

I believe in the existence of consciousness without a physical body on some
plane. be it an "energy" self awareness or feeling sensations as an old oak
tree, enjoying the breeze ....I also think it is possible to stop existing
or
@ least merge to a point of no self awareness. stardust, old oak
tree. Reincarnation in some manner , sometimes . I believe in
internal ghosts [external ghosts created by ones mind ] and external
ghosts
/ spirits. karma . I like many ,only believe what I feel is true
regardless of ANY organized dogma. So , not even 90% of ANY world religion.
I
believe in a lot of the religion's similarities rather than differences . I
don't really believe in god in christian terms as a single minded self aware
entity who can change things @ whim and will , who doesn't like to shave.
I
believe anything is possible. I don't believe its "necessary" for a person
to
believe in any higher force , but perhaps MOST people need to try and
believe
in "after life awareness " to be @ peace in the here and now. I don't
believe in the need to have reward and punishment and lawful compliance in
order to maintain a sense of justice.
Treating others like u want to be treated is good enough. I can
never
decide if I believe in fate or not .....without broadening the definition or
perception of fate. I believe in a change of perception and self
awareness beyond the dimensions we know ,that may appear from where we are
to
be a higher order of things. And I trust , have faith in that enough to be
@
peace in that I will not end.
be it stardust or simply me living on in the memory of people I have known.
[
our positive effects & the self we share that truly becomes part of another
close friend. my dead friends living on in me because of how parts of them ,
beliefs, personlity became my beliefs and personality with memories of them.
And who i am today is in part because of them , and i hope i will carry on
in
such a mannor in friends , children , when i die..
I believe that , that belief , is as relevant , and true and real if not
more relevant than any other after life belief. Just as good.
That in itself is a form of reincarnation , becoming one with the universe.
Just as valid. Just as important . real.

THE LIMITED MIND
A dream dark comedy @ 6am ,
Starring James Belushi

Scene -
A rich east coast university where even the faculty realizes
the uselessness of earning a degree for a job out of your field so ,
THIS school actually only has one major,
"how to take advantage" Each student is graded on how cleverly he can
get away with EVERYTHING. just like the real world.

Student Orientation--
"all of your lives you've been told that if U apply
yourself you can control your destiny. while the modern world grows more
cynical by the day . we ,understand the limited mind, and choose to
develop your ego- pill -popping get over , one up the next guy. So be
inventive , learn to work the system . our motto---"earn the most by
doing least."
[sure the teachers complain when a student breaks the rules , but
only until he can satisfactorily *justify * his actions. ]
so @ this campus we see people stretching the limits of every
regulation and handbook. --dress codes [ from silk robes to nothing @
all ]
the equal employment opportunity says you cannot be discounted on
account of race , sex , sexual orientation , medical conditions,
etc... use that . get fake handicap stickers to park in the handicap
zone , never park far away again. accept bribes for everything.
learn to negotiate your resources. the resources @ your disposal.
meal cards , library cards , student work --such as the effects of
alcohol , neilson rating style TV watching. anything you can
legitimize.

one of the teachers @ this school , James Belushi. [a psychic math
teacher] everybody thinks his a slacker , get by , bum anyway. He is
complained about by faculty trying to use the schools system to more
productive means , but he is the only teacher who graduated from the
school , who figured his goal was to stay here , like a full time
student ,the rest of his life. so he's working the system by teaching
. Adam Sandler is still a student but mainly cause we know he sells
movie tickets more than Belushi.

The end of the movie is a sort of cheesy contest , test , that these
kinds of comedys have.
[try not to think of teen wolf here ] U know the kind where the fate of
the school depends on the success of the contest. this is where the
aliens come down and say , "U have destroyed our plans , and now we must
end this failed experiment of trying to brake us from our old molds ,
but instead they insist we've used our powers for evil , instead of
good." Adam Sandler gives a speech to the aliens how their experiment
has worked ,
he can adapt to ANY situation now, and come out slackin and rich. they
say U must prove it with the tests..........
there is a series of complicated board puzzles in a gym under one
tent, this seems to be the pinnacle testing challenge , most don't get
this far .
somehow you must intuitively [ in under 1 minute ] get this device
puzzle to start working , and only the most slack mind can free his mind
to such invention .
our most promising talent [student star ] Adam s. comes up , he
passes 2 of the five tests. [since doing the least is what its all
about we have psychic powers being used to move the pieces on the puzzle
as it rotates in the air. ] sure they offered a mind control 101 class ,
but everyone thought it was to get beer from the fridge during a
football game , or controlling ones bladder . so being telekinetic is a
slack tool after all.
but he loses after his 2 games . the aliens insist the school must
be destroyed.
Jim belushi steps forward... "no, wait! as I graduate of this
school I have a right to participate , now..........lets do some math! "
[in that cheesy j. belushi way , making the crowd of losers cheer. "
he had impressed us earlier in the film with his ability to summon/
channel dead mathematicians through his body as he did fast complicated
math on a chalk board , after one of his students challenged his ability
., they were in class one day , smart ass student says he'll never amount
to anything , make any money , being him.
he shows off like Hollywood comedys these days do.

so, Jim steps up challenges the aliens to "math" . they accept. he's
preparing , staring like a boxer @ his opponent , he pulls a pack of
cigarettes out of his pockets [ but still like a readying boxer , in
stare ] he puts one cigarette in his mouth starts smoking , then starts
tearing off filters of others and shoving them in his noise and ears.
[still looking mean , as if some unexplained prepping ritual , the
principal asks ,"what on earth is he doing , were all going to die,
female lead coy love interest of belushi says , [justifying] this is just
part of the psych out . and as the math begins on 2 boards, he starts
distracting the alien with noises and sounds , bad smells[foot odor ,
farts , perhaps ] , so he cant concentrate . belushi wins ., alien
says U cheated, that's not fair..... belushi ..."EXACTLY!"

THEN I woke up , what a cheesy dream , my god......... belushi with
cigarettes out of his nose..

*****************************************************************

" O mother , what have I left out ?
O mother , what have I forgotten ? "

---Allen Ginsberg

 Over the holidays & even now It has been really nice that I've been getting to see alot of my long time friends that mean alot to me. Even Kirstin, who i haven't seen in about 4-5 years is coming to town next week. All my closest friends have spread out so much , some lost touch with , dont know where they are, some dead, hell.
Getting to see some of them again, meeting new loved ones, etc...
Getting a glimpse into their world. Its really good to visit with 'em.

I think once i get a new computer [one day] with a cd burner , i'll get an always on internet. I wont have to beg new music cds from folks. Not been home much lately either so i havent spent much time online.
Instead of turning my laptop on, dialing up, writing in the live journal, i find myself going back to my unruled notebook. or my microcassette when i'm in the car.
Things are starting to get more back to normal, after the holidays now.
Calming down.
Even went down to Blockbuster this eve & rented Hedwig & the Angry Inch ,
Amores Perros , & Proof . Thinking of DVDs i want. Neither of the main video stores in town have any copies of SLC Punk & no DVD of The Man Who Knew Too Little.
I saw a really nice 9 dvd box set from the 60's show "The Prisioner". I really want that.
The 3 dvd Brazil set. Tons more. Too many cds I want out there too.
Too much stuff.
I hope all those out there I havent heard from are doing well.
And hope for better those I know who aren't.
Just too much craziness & unfortunateness in the world.
In our heads & hearts & homes.
[Is "unfortunateness" even a word ? It doesnt quite seem right. Maybe I'm just tired.]
Much love to all of you hearing these words.

" I may look like Robert Frost but I feel like Jesse James. "
--- Bob Dylan

The World of Change in an Unchanging World

 You know all those cheesy books. [ok. the everything I know I learned from watching Star Trek I really enjoy].
I had a silly, cheesy idea. And hey those count too.
I'm not sure if it works or not. If it doesn't work think of it as a parody. Or a silly motivational tool .
I did a lot of puzzles growing up. Here goes...

Everything I know I learned from doing puzzles.
______________________________________

1. Patience

2. It is a greater sense of accomplishment to attempt [and even greater to finish]
the harder puzzle than to be contended by the common ordinary unchallenging conclusions.
Attempting harder things are better than easy ones.
" A man's reach should exceed his grasp."

3. Quieting the mind of thoughts to a meditative calm, or freedom to think deeply & long. [about everything]

4. The act of doing the puzzle can be just as important as finishing the puzzle. You can get something out of the process , the means, not just the ends.
"Its about the journey & not the arrival."
I mean you can stare @ your final accomplishment. Bast in your own glory.
Even display the marvel of your ability. Glue it together.
But ya gotta get over the narcacisstic ego thing , take it apart , put it back in the box, get onto new things.
The arrival is nice but at some point you gotta continue the ongoing , unending journey.

5. It usually helps to have a guide to go by to give us a reference point.
It can be accomplished without a guide but its harder wiithout one.

6. Envisioning a larger scale [& it's expanded space] in the greater picture, from a minut sample. It "really is" all about grasping the bigger picture. Having proper perspective.

7. Being Goal Oriented. Able to focus [almost] mindlessly on one absolute goal even through a struggle.

8. Figuring out the proper scale of everything is an important part of finding each & everything its place. [in the grand scheme of things]
[ie. the car next to the thimple's value is different from how it was perhaps first percieved. Tricks can appear when we least expect them.
Proper perception is key.

Rank #1 equals your best match :

# 1 Heracleitus
[It is not only true that we cannot step twice into the same river, but also that we are not the same for two successive instants. Nature is constantly dividing and uniting herself, so that the multiplicity of opposites does not destroy the unity of the whole.
It is above all in dealing with Heraclitus that we are made to feel the importance of personality in shaping systems of philosophy.]

# 2 Immanuel Kant
[Kant's approach is also of comparative interest because of the similar ancient Buddhist philosophical distinction between conditioned realities, which mostly means the world of experience, and unconditioned realities ("unconditioned dharmas"), which interestingly include, not only the sphere of salvation, Nirvana, but also space, which of course for Kant was a form imposed a priori on experience by the mind.
it is the representation that makes the object possible rather than the object that makes the representation possible. This introduced the human mind as an active originator of experience rather than just a passive recipient of perception. ]

# 3 Maurice Merlea-Ponty
[Even though he perhaps remained a French ?philosopher of consciousness? Maurice Merleau-Ponty separated himself gradually from the phenomenology of Jean-Paul Sartre, and perhaps also from that of Husserl. confirmed the importance of lived experience in grasping the nature of language, perception, and the body. An outline of the main aspects of the link between perception and thought opened up in the Philosophy of Perception. the consciousness of lived experience - the consciousness which is always a consciousness of something - is fundamentally different from an acceptance of the givenness of the world, or scientific knowledge. In Husserl's words:
"we fix our eyes steadily upon the sphere of Consciousness and study what it is that we find immanent in it.... Consciousness in itself has a being of its own which in its absolute uniqueness of nature remains unaffected by the phenomenological disconnexion."
the 'perceiving mind is an incarnated mind'. Furthermore, perception is not simply the result of the impact of the external world on the body; for even if the body is distinct from the world it inhabits, it is not separate from it. Indeed, the very imbrication of the perceiving organism and its surroundings is what lies at the basis of perception. This means that there is no perception in general - a notion which would turn it into an abstract universal; there is only perception as it is lived in the world. It is precisely the 'lived' nature of perception and the body which makes phenomenological research viable and necessary. As a result of the incarnate nature of perception, the perceiving subject is always changing, always going through a process of rebirth. ]

# 4 Jean Paul Sartres
[operates in the Cartesian tradition; at the beginning of any investigation he poses the cogito, the self-that-is. From this duality, in most endless brilliant progressions, he moves through other dualities: knowing-doing, being-becoming, nature-freedom...]

# 5 Martin Heidegger
# 6 William James
# 7 G. W. F. Hegel
# 8 W. V. O. Quine
# 9 Aristotle
# 10 A. J. Ayer
# 11 G. W. Leibniz
# 12 Plato
# 13 David Hume
# 14 Democritus
# 15 Thomas Reid
# 16 Rene Descartes
# 17 Parmenides
# 18 William of Ockham
# 19 Paul Churchland
# 20 St. Augustine
# 21 Benedict de Spinoza
# 22 St. Thomas Aquinas
# 23 John Stuart Mill
# 24 John Locke
# 25 George Berkeley

#1 equals your best match [don't know that this is true though, #1 is right on]

# 1 Taoism
# 2 Agnostic Church
# 3 Ethical Culture
# 4 Unitarian Universalism
# 5 Deism
# 6 Transhumanism
# 7 Atheistic Paganism
# 8 Scientific Pantheism
# 9 Theraveda Buddhism
# 10 Rationalism
# 11 Secular Humanism
# 12 Pantheism
# 13 Zen Atheism
# 14 Atheism a la American Atheists
# 15 Freethought, Church of
# 16 Randaism (Objectivism)
# 17 Confucianism
# 18 Relativism, moral/cultural
_______________________________________
Religion rating :
[ I don't understand these %'s. This is the order or the total 27 on their list]

1. New Age (100%)
2. Neo-Pagan (97%)
3. Unitarian Universalism (92%)
4. Mahayana Buddhism (78%)
5. New Thought (76%)
6. Liberal Quakers (73%)
7. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (71%)
8. Theravada Buddhism (68%)
9. Secular Humanism (68%)
10. Hinduism (67%)
11. Scientology (67%)
12. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (64%)
13. Taoism (64%)
14. Jainism (50%)
15. Atheists and Agnostics (49%)
16. Reform Judaism (47%)
17. Sikhism (43%)
18. Bah?'? Faith (42%)
19. Orthodox Quaker (35%)
20. Orthodox Judaism (32%)
21. Islam (20%)
22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (20%)
23. Seventh Day Adventist (19%)
24. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (15%)
25. Eastern Orthodox (10%)
26. Roman Catholic (10%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (6%)

"What is enlightenment" magazine had an interview with a famous guru & the interviewer seemed in the end to grasp the guru's vision. They ran a essay poll
asking readings whether they thought the interviewer became enlightened.
Here's my response. :

Never has a single issue of a magazine both confounded & inspired me as much as yours.
I stumbled across issue 20 in my local book store about 4 weeks ago and sat it down for a read.
Reluctant to buy something else I put it back.
A week later I found myself trying to recall & tell someone one of the ideas in the issue that struck me.
It brought me back to the store to buy a copy.
So many pages seem to be filled with interviews by authors I've read & other articles that keep causing me to question everything I thought I knew. Each page seems to present a different spectrum & variation of what enlightenment is and might be.
I feel so manipulated & challenged at the very depth the ideas you present reach me.

Indeed. Having a polling contest to determine whether someone has been "enlightened" , where i check a box yes or no to cast my subjective view of how the writer expresses his "inspiration". Did his written skills impress me ? Was it written with a contest in mind ?
What is the fine line between being moved, inspired, enlightenment & awakening ?
First of all I dont like the idea of judging someone whether they are enlightened or not.
If Chris is I'm happy for him. If he thinks he is enlightened who I am to say he's not.
You keep at it Chris! You are the only one that matters whether or not you were enlightened.
It's your road alone you must interpret what it means to you.
He indeed seemed to question things he believed in & was able in the end to share in Ramesh Balsekar's vision.
I suppose it is the very nature of this kind of contest that causes one to question & argue a case which seems to be the point of your magazine. That & keeping one open to seeing all things from all sides.

If we could only be enlightened every moment of every day. If we could all be moved - inspired - enlightened - awakened by everything in everyday how wonderful it would be. I dont like thinking about stand out moments that set apart from any other thing that happens to me any given day. I am not about a future moment when i am filled with everything & enlightened. I am not focused on a goal & whether something was good enough or whether i have a big enough definition or idea or what "I" think enlightenment is.
I am about everything, everyday & every small thing I do. No one moment of divine light.
If Chris has forged one step down [not toward] his path that is all that need be said.
It's the journey , not the arrival , as they say.
Was he enlightened ?
The question is the answer.
And that is all it needs to be.

---------------------------------------------------------

the world of change in an unchanging world

America : Don't just live . Live Well .

Finally. Here it is in print.
For those of you who know me , know Herman's 5 fatal flaws of movie critiqueing.
If a movie contains any of these elements I AM GOING TO LIKE THE MOVIE,
based on concept alone.
NO MATTER HOW BAD a movie REALLY is,
I will like it if it has any of these things in it,
or deals with them in some way, based on the idea alone.
That's why I call them fatal flaws.
The more of my fatal flaws a movie has the more I'm going to love it.
[ie. The Matrix , Fight Club , 12 Monkeys , Dark City ]
Those are multi-category!
In fact everthing Terry Gilliam has ever done is a multi-category Herman movie. He is the bomb!
I guess I'm just a sucker for a concept.
My kryptonite. My weakness.

#1 Time Travel

Yes. Even Back to the Future 3, in the old west. I know that's a bad movie but I'm a sucker for time travel.
Too much Dr. Who & H.G.Wells & Star Trek as a young child.
Thats why their fatal flaws. No matter how bad the movie is,
I'm stil going to like it.
[ie. Time After Time, The Time Machine , Back to the Future ,
Somewhere in Time , 12 Monkeys , the 13th floor ]
Or movies that time is played with or altered & is important in telling the story as to present another "angle" or perspective.
I like the multi-perspective aspect.
[ie. Run Lola Run, Time Code , Highlander, Groundhog Day , Memento ]
[See flaws 2 & 5]
Or the entire film is set so far in the future or past that the whole film is contrasting it's world to our present reality / world.
I'm a bit of a futurist. Dreamer. Thinker.
[Brazil , A Clockwork Orange, Gattica]


#2 Alternate Reality . There are at least 2 planes of existence in the movie.
Altered States.

There is reality & a dream world. And they blend somehow or both are represented.
There is sanity & insanity , Or split personalities or drug world existence or computer altered state of some sort .
Or some other dimension. Insanity.
A character is way out of touch with reality.
I was an abnormal psychology major in college.
Life is but a dream.
Questioning what is real , what is dream, & how do we know for sure the difference.
The key or doorway is here.
I watched too much of the old Twillight Zones as a child.
[ie. Lawnmower Man , Naked Lunch , Dark City, Fight Club, Altered States, Matrix, Until the end of the World, Frankenstien Unbound, Strangedays, Existenz , Carver's Gate, Trainspotting, Hellraiser, Twillight Zone, Wings of Desire, Contact, the Fisher King, the Beat, The Truman Show , Pi , Brain Storm ,
The Last Temptation of Christ , The Game , Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas , Heavenly Creatures , Barfly , Tron , My Own Private Idaho , Buckaroo Banzai , Vanillia Sky , Being John Malkovich , Baron Munchausen ]

Or when the main character completely loses it. Transformation.
Goes postal. Goes crazy. Gets fed up & isn't gonna take it any more.
A slow [or all of a sudden] altering of the lead character's senses.
[ie. Falling Down , From the Hip, Heavenly Creatures, The Wall , Brazil ,
Taxi Driver , Fisher King , American Beauty , Requiem for a Dream ]

"Everywhere is a man about to explode."


#3 Psychic Powers.

I remember seeing "Escape to Witch Mountain" for the first time when I was little.
Man , did I wish I had telekinetic abilities.
I read all the books on "how to improve your psychic powers".
I'm a touch psychic in real life. It's touched my real world life in profound ways. The human mind fascinates me.
[ie. Dark City, Matrix , The Dead Zone , The Sixth Sense , The Gift , Dune ]


#4 Thought provoking nature. How long the movie makes me think.

This is touched on in several of the fatal flaws & a bit ambiguous.
No matter how bad the movie is ,if the suject matter makes me think about something after I get home. The more I am provoked to think the better.
It might inspire me , or get me to think about the films ideas/concepts, or even just the potential of what the film could be and where it takes me to emotionally or mentally.
I like thinking. Being inspired. Provoked. Even confused .
Something for me to work out. The longer i think about the movie or movie ideas or the direction the movie led me the better. It doesnt matter what I think about , as long as I get ideas as a result of watching the film. The more ideas the better. Philosophical.
I don't like to be particularly spoon fed either. [see #5]
The longer I think about the movie the more I like it.
It's staying power. If it makes me think of things that have happened to me, or the future, or gets me to think of ideas it didn't quite get to.
Inspiration. Thought provoking. Gives us something to talk about.
[ie. Being John Malkovich , The 13th floor, Mindwalk , Housekeeping,
American Beauty, After Life, Character , Smoke, Pulp Fiction,
Dr. Strangelove, Ms. Parker & the Vicious Circle , Twin Peaks , Metropolis,
The cook, the thief, his wife & her lover , & lots of Peter Greenaway ]


#5 Double [or multiple] meaning ambiguity.

The movie gets you to question essential elements of the plot so you question the intent of the author to keep it open ended for multiple interpretations.
Sometimes mixing the literal with metaphorical interpretations.
I like the open endedness of possible multiple interpretations.

[ie. Lost Highway , Twin Peaks & all David Lynch stuff , Jacob's Ladder ,
The Rapture , Bergman's "Persona" , Jean Cocteau's "Orpheus" , Hedwig & The Angry Inch, and all those early surreal classics like Mya Deren's "Meshes in the Afternoon"
]
American Psycho in the last 5 minutes - did he really ever kill anyone?
[ In Hedwig & the Angry Inch, Is it possible that Hedwig & Tommy are the same person all along, split personalities?
I know its not the main thing your suppose to get ,
but it seems to explore/present both as possible. It's Ambiguous.]

And as I said before, I dont really like to be spoon fed. I like to think.
And beyond that, these movies sort of explore how I think.
Dreamlike , stream of consciousness, psychological , sub-conscious.
I especially like the open endedness because it seems to say "However YOU , the viewer, interpret the film , yours is a valid interpretations."
Whether you get one layer, or the potential [or ambiguity] for other layers/interpretations it seems to add to the depth or dimension of the film. I like meaning & depth quite a bit. I dig the deep end of the pool.
And this fatal flaw seems to build off that.
Multi-perspective. Multi-perception. More to it. More substance.
Is what is going on , really going on ?
It's quite thought provoking. [see #4]
There are multiple views of whats going on.
Open to interpretation. Sometimes controversial & misunderstood.
Your confusion is the point.
ok. Not really. Maybe I like to be challenged. Like to be made to think.
Like to wonder. Left in awe. Blown away.

"The swirl of a blue dress.
The depth of water."

 Terry Gilliam as a director :

Good Omens (2003)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)
Monty Python & the Quest for the Holy Grail (1996) (VG)
Twelve Monkeys (1995)
Fisher King, The (1991)
Adventures of Baron Munchausen, The (1988)
Brazil (1985)
Crimson Permanent Assurance, The (1983)
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983) (segment "Crimson Permanent Assurance, The")
Time Bandits (1981)
Jabberwocky (1977)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
And Now for Something Completely Different (1971)
"Monty Python's Flying Circus" (1969) TV Series [cartoon sequences]
____________________________________

As writer , etc.. :

Good Omens (2003)
It's the Monty Python Story (1999) (TV)
... aka Life of Python (1999)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998) (screenplay)
Monty Python & the Quest for the Holy Grail (1996)
Adventures of Baron Munchausen, The (1988)
Brazil (1985)
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983)
Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl (1982)
Time Bandits (1981)
Life of Brian (1979)
Jabberwocky (1977)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
Monty Python's Fliegender Zirkus (1972) (TV)
And Now for Something Completely Different (1971)
"Monty Python's Flying Circus" (1969) TV Series (writer)
... aka "Monty Python" (1974) (UK: new title)
"Do Not Adjust Your Set" (1967) TV Series
____________________________________________

I love everything the man has ever done.

Good Omens [2003]

Genre: Comedy / Fantasy
Production Notes/Status: Status: Pre-production

Directed by Terry Gilliam
Writing credits :
Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
(novel Good Omens: or, The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)

Produced by
Charles Roven .... producer
Marc Samuelson .... producer
Peter Samuelson .... producer

Original music by : John Powell
Other crew : Christian McWilliams .... location scout

Production Companies : Renaissance Films , Samuelson Productions
Distributors : Renaissance Films (sales)

This has been a favorite book of mine for a long time and this movie better get off the ground because not once have I seen a movie get anywhere that'd I'd literally stand in front of the theater opening day for. It's about time Pratchett got some really good recognition instead of some cheesy games that do him no credit.
Neil Gaiman did the Sandman comic series.
I know anyone who's read the book loves it and I hope this movie gets the support it needs.
Plus it's a damn good [& funny] story. [Hilarious akin to Douglas Adams !! ]

Most warn out cds

A while back Steve Kilbey auctioned off a Bass to the Church mailing list.
He sent an email to the list about it and no one believed he was who he said he was.
Here was his reply.
__________________

dear people of the séance list

1. i think you all know that i appreciate you, im sorry for appearing cranky
yesterday but i was a little surprised by the letter about pawning the
guitar. actually i have a little cash flow problem right now and id kinda
was hoping to have a holiday with elli and minna before the tour starts and
found the old bank account a little wanting. i thought if anyone was
interested in the guitar maybe the s. list was a good place to begin. in
answer to the questions about why should it be worth 1200, well i guess
something is worth what anybody wants to pay for it, but fender guitars are
generally in that 1000 region, that's just what they cost.

2.as far as establishing my identity, as i said im using martins email coz
im not suscribed to the list but you can answer me on my on hot mail
address.

3. heres a pome for y'all for free.


wandrin' through the world with my night friends, i stumbled thru gardens
and garbage dumps, where we plied our trade, scraping music out of bits of
wood and metal, and me, with my croaky old voice, singing songs about
imaginary cities and who knows what, attracting a little crowd of people,
who followed us through the graveyards and greyhound stations, never
noticing the decades sucking us all down their inexorable maws. so busy were
we with our myriad preoccupations (implants, identities and electricity
bills).
at last as we stood before the gates of The Great City, i turned to see
there was only me and my blonde fender telecaster, left from the pilgrimage,
and i laughed out loud in my loneliness and plucked the last loathesome
note.
the walls failed to tremble and i awoke, clutching 1200 us dollars in my
withered claws.

sk

All of them can be found at Yesterdayland.com

________________________

The Shazam / Isis Hour
From the first live action Shazam! in 1974 [Herman age 4] to The Secrets of Isis in 1978 .
*The Addams Family*
The Munsters [I loved it but I was quite traumatized , going home crying from 3rd grade , being called "Herman Monster". For a while in elementary school I wanted to go by my middle name Wayne, but I changed school in 4th grade & dont remember catching hell there.]
Hong Kong Phooey
Electric Company
I Dream of Jeannie
Bewitched
The Jetsons
Captain Kangaroo
Fat Albert
Land of the Lost !
Man those Sleestaks freaked me out. And the crystals of the mysterious gold pylons that popped up from time to time, opening doors to other dimensions.
The Pink Panther
Planet of the Apes
Spider-Man [live action]
***Star Trek***
Underdog
Ultraman [Robot man grew 200 feet tall] One of the first shows on TBS when cable first came to my area re-ran this 60s Japanese robot show.
Lost in Space
Doctor Who
Man from Atlantis [with Patrick Duffey. I would hold my breathe in the bathtub as long as possible , as much as possible, hoping I might grow gills eventually]
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Bionic Woman
**Battlestar Galactica**
*Buck Rodgers in the 25th Century* [Hawk ruled the school] [age 9-10 , 79-81 ]
*Fantasy Island*
The Gong Show
Happy Days
Hogan's Heroes
***Kung Fu*** [the philosophical Zen memories rocked my world!]
***The Incredible Hulk***!!!!! [Bill Bixby]
**Logan's Run** 1977 age 7
Get Smart
M*A*S*H
Mork & Mindy [There always has been a bit of Mork & Exidor in me !] [78-82]
The Muppet Show
Wonder Woman
***The Twillight Zone***!! [all the originals re-ran everyday!!]
Alfred Hitchcock Presents
Amazing Stories
***The Greatest American Hero*** [81-83] Remember the episode when he finally got an Instruction book for his suit ?
***Square Pegs*** [82-83] age 13
Devo's guest appearance was a pinnacle moment for me. I grew up with a crush on Sarah Jessica Parker.
**Voyagers!** [Time Travel watch baby!] [82-83] age 13

These didn't so much influence me but I enjoyed. Do you remember ?
___________________________________________________________________

The Banana Splits Adventure Hour
Inch High , Private Eye / Speedbuggy
21 Jump Street [Johnny Dep]
Down to Earth [20's Flapper is an angel whose brought to earth to help a family.
She's hired as a maid I think. I can't find anything online on it. ]


Later influential & loved shows :
_________________________________

**Monty Python's Flying Circus**
**The Young Ones**
**Quantum Leap**
***Star Trek : The Next Generation***
*Outer Limits*
***Twin Peaks***
Lexx
**The Prisoner** [the great 60's series I missed out on until the last few years]

I recently found this really amazing quote from Oscar Wilde while reading the picture of dorian gray:

" Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. The sitter is merely the accident, the occasion. It is not he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the coloured canvas, reveals himself. The reason I will not exhibit this picture is that I am afraid that I have shown in it the secret of my own soul. "

"We are all in the gutter,
but some of us are looking at the stars."

That about sums me up.
Tonight especially.
It seems everyone around me, all my closet friends, are going through really hard times. From their family member's health failing , or their health failing, or losing jobs & general depression & overwhelmed by life. I can relate to them not knowing what they want to do with the rest of their life. Needing a change.
It seems like everyone around me is really stressed & tense & about to explode into nastyness. It's beginning to rub off on me. Swallowing me up. Kind of like drowning.
I hope this all levels out very soon.
All this uncertainty & insecurity tumbles me down.
I could use a bit of a change myself.

*
This VH1 Behind the Music on The Cult is really nice.

Order vs. Disorder

What is the more natural state ?
An eternal chaotic struggle of perpetual contradiction where nothing is complete without its opposite ? An eternal internal battle within everything stagnant , ephemeral & everlast ?
It's true we can only understand & define ourself after we understand our opposite. And that both things are continually & simultaniously the essence of its mirror image.
But is it the more natural state to live in that inevitable & continual eternal battle & embrace the struggle ?
or to live in the specrum cycle of order & harmony ?
A coming to terms beyond the struggle where there is a bigger picture or naievity ?
Is this death ? Stagnation, Contentment ? Peace ? Nirvana ? Happiness ?
Coexistence ? A giving away of desire ?

It would be easier to determine which is more common .
But the common standard does not neccessarily represent a more natural state of existence ?
Nor does it determine the subective conclusion of which is better.
What are each's pros & cons ? Everything has both positives & negatives.

Can we ever determine what is the more higher state ?
Can we ever determine what is the more natual state ?
Are we MORE ourselves as a contradiction ?
Should the contradiction be our baseline ?
The baseline that we lean towards on our see-saw struggle.

Are we ,by our very nature ,
more equipt to know who & what we are NOT , rather than who & what we are ?

Which shall we embrace ?

Is the duality of life ,[Yin & Yang] a revelation elevation coming to terms with ones opposition as necessary or just or a torturous curse bred harsh realism of eternal struggle ?

"The masculine shall always contain the feminine
And the feminine shall always contain the masculine
And the plural shall always contain the singular
And the singular shall always contain the plural."
---Steve Kilbey

"I live on Earth at present,
and I don't know what I am.
I know that I am not a category.
I am not a thing - a noun.
I seem to be a verb,
an evolutionary process -
an integral function of the universe".

----Buckminster Fuller

Dec. 1, 2001 – 

Thanks to Helene I finally was able to get the code to start my live journal. She's on my live journal friends list. Thank you gurl!
Man could i use this in my car-pocket-everywhere I go.

Hmmm. .. I was thinking.. a funny short , dark comedy, film idea.
Called "For I have sinned" , or "All is forgiven".
Opening scene, a church service in session ....
a preacher down front , up on stage , behind his podium , is giving his sermon,
camera pans through crowd, many starring blankly forwaded.
Camera slows to one person , seeming to not be paying attention. Sermon fades out, and we hear a grocery list being constructed in his head. [ duct tape, nylon stockings, rat poison...]
Camera moves around the large church crowd [sermon heard again] .
Slows & Focuses on a 22 year old girl rehearsing a talk with her boyfriend in her head , or school play or something. She plans to get back @ his unfathfulness... or something.

This goes on , this way ,introducing each of our unrelated characters.
A 45 yr old white male attorney....each thinking of some twisted thing, paying no attention to the preacher, just plotting...

Camera pans around crowd , after introducing [ a peek into the disturbing & distracted lives of 6 -7 people.]
Preacher sermon being heard . Volume up... " And if you only ask forgiveness of your sin , all will be forgiven" . It seems to get each of our character's attention.
As each person perks one second after the other. "If ...you .. ONLY-OnLY-oNLY ... ASK FORGIVENess , all-AALL- ALL... WILL BE forgiven..... no matter the sin" .
The attorney, [light bulb goes off look of inspiration] reaches to get a day planner,
camera pans to the calender month page he opens to.... zoom to the box for next friday night...
it says....... "Kill Donna" . he gets pen....and for saturday writes........
"ask forgiveness"

opening music comes up [surf music] , opening credits roll.


every crazy , unrelated, character in the movie lives the most un-ethical , religious lives.
And they do whatever they want , they ask for forgiveness afterward.
They in their mind are absolved of their crime, and become di-hard christians to get their get out of hell free card....
One scene has a gambler talking about the odds,,... how often he asks for forgiveness ..
" If a have a really big weekend planned and have some risky [life threatening] operations I'll try not to wait til Monday to ask forgiveness, Ill try & get one in by noon the day after....
Ya gotta live each day like you could die any minute. And this way , Im covered."

Maybe one guy is catholic , maybe a preist, and runs a web site, with suggested crimes and their allotted & rated
for what one needs to do to be forgiven. ...
#47. Statutory Rape : 5 our fathers, 3 Hail Marys....

[Really dark, & funny twisted... u get the idea....]

UNKNOWN BIRD

Out of the dry days
through the dusty leaves
far across the valley
those few notes never
heard here before

one fluted phrase
floating over its
wandering secret
all at once wells up
somewhere else

and is gone before it
goes on fallen into
its own echo leaving
a hollow through the air
that is dry as before

where is it from
hardly anyone
seems to have noticed it
so far but who now
would have been listening

it is not native here
that may be the one
thing we are sure of
it came from somewhere
else perhaps alone

so keeps on calling for
no one who is here
hoping to be heard
by another of its own
unlikely origin

trying once more the same few
notes that began the song
of an oriole last heard
years ago in another
existence there

it goes again tell
no one it is here
foreign as we are
who are filling the days
with a sound of our own

--W.S. Merwin

I've got a link to here from
My Web Site
now, under the poetry / prose / writing section.
Having been scrolling throwing link to link to link from some live journal user's interests
shared with mine or some strange dada community person or some such random strangeness branching from one root to the farthest branch.......

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost.

---J.R.R.Tolkien

 http://www.foundmagazine.com/
You have GOT to go to this site... it's awesome... it's found items from all over.
Be sure to listen to the songs from the found tape, too. I don't think I've
ever heard something so absolutely funny.
http://www.foundmagazine.com/

And in the immortal words of Monty Python :
"And now for something completely different"

You are a paradox to me, a senseless maze
I run around, I'm looking for you all of my days
The more that you want it, the more that you need it
The less that it does
Run out it's rough, too much is enough
And that's what it was
I cannot bear to share you, we can't be alone
You make me drift up and float, and fall like a stone
The more that I see you, the more that I miss you
The less that I care
I know I should try to kiss you goodbye, but
You're never there
I've got a nickname for you, I call you weakness
I get a little strength out too, or is it meekness
The more that you want it, the more that you need it
The less that it does
Run out it's rough, too much is enough
And that's what it was
You are a paradox to me, a contradiction
You're a predicament for me, and a prediction

---The Church ("Paradox")

Is it possible that every eventuality of every act of time travel , should in theory , create "specific" paradox's equal to or greater than the original unchanged event ?
(that occured before the time travel incident in question)

The physicist , Dr. Amit Goswami wrote "The Self Aware Universe: How Consciousness Creates the Material World",
not only philosophizes but says that the universe, in order to exist, requires a conscious sentient being to be aware of it. He pulls from many branches of science. Some scientists try to take matters of idea & spirituality even to prove the mere possibility of them.

There is a great magazine called "What Is Enlightenment?", http://www.wie.org , that comes out twice a year.
It asks such provoking questions. The latest issue actually interviews Amit Goswami & all these other guys whose books I've read over the years. The "Buddhism without Beliefs" guy is also in there. They have a interesting slant that sometimes goes against
what you thought you thought about a subject. It gets you to really think.
I like reading those books , thinking those things. Time Travel, paradoxes, the possibility of everything, & the limitations of our perception of reality.....
One of my favorite quotes is by a chinese taoist philosopher Chuang Tzu (c.369-286 b.c.) ----

"The philosopher Chuang Tzu dreamed he was a butterfly, and when he woke up he said he did not know whether he was Chuang Tzu who had dreamed he was a butterfly , or a butterfly now dreaming that it was Chuang Tzu. "

Also a really good book called "The User Illusion : cutting consciousness down to size", by Tor Norretranders, builds on the idea that consciousness is a hoax, an illusion.

Good stuff. I love thinking about such things.

What is life ?
It is the flash of the firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in winter.
It is the little shadow that runs across the grass & looses itself in the sunset.
--- Crowfoot

"It has been far too long since we sat beneath the summer moon together
& spoke of pleasant fripperies, of that & of this,
& left others to speak sensible things of import & consequence."
-- Neil Gaiman




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"We are the universe pretending to be individuals."

These are too funny. Me circa 1987 with new wave hair to the 89-91 hippie phase
Press here to laugh @ Herman in the 80's .

In movies [or even books] most people think of "indie" as anything from a small independent company , and does not refer to some obscure style.
Even though many of the smaller labels/names are actually owned by the big monopolies that allow to feed off the indie creed crowd.
And so called indie people often use the same set of standards shooting to please & be easily understood by the lowest common demoninator. Strickly to entertain not make someone think, or inspire or provoke. Its ok just to entertain.
They just arent as obscure & special & unique as indie-ologists make them out to be always.
That being said "indie" music seems to mean different things to different people.
Not that labels mean anything of any importance.
Big city Alternative music sub-genres have absurdly blown up so much there is a back lash to not think about labels. All the while them thinking certain terms are standards [in their mind] that "should" be known by pop culture. So its all subjective & people draw their lines & define or refuse to define, in very many ways.
From punk, new wave, no wave, old school, post punk, indie, dreampop, psych rock, prog rock, gothic , grunge, to intelligent dance music [idm] , lo-fi, shoegaze, spacerock, trip-hop, dark wave, post rock, power pop, drum & bass, math rock, drone, trance, and tons more.

Here's what epitonic.com says :
"Indie rock is like pornography in a way: most people can't tell you exactly what it is, but they know it when they see it. Er, hear it. It's loud and obnoxious (or quiet and polite), careless and sloppy (or meticulously composed), complex and pretentious (or simple and unassuming), and, to its fans, cooler and more relevant than any other style of music. It's impossible to list all of the bands who have been influential to indie rock -- doing so would require more space than we have here and would undoubtedly start some petulant silent feuds."

Its true . I've heard some of the most obscure, non-radio accessible , funky thing called
"pop" . That anything that sells more than 1,000 cds is pop.
These people are usually assholish as well.

Its all subjective & non-important anyway.
But to me , indie music infers a particular guitar influenced syle ,
often with a very tight , upbeat [lots of snare] drum accompaniment not so unlike the Violent Femmes 1st record or maybe some stuff by The Fall. I love The Fall.
The singing style is a bit unique & heady as well.
And some things are just a bit more brit pop or creation sounding or shoegazey for me to call them indie.
So here is my subjective idea of the top "indie" records of all time.
I'm sure more will occur to me later.
I'm sure I could change the order here every day based on my mood.

If you get the idea what i like from my list & you think I should have something added to the list Ive missed, please let me know!
I don't live in a big city or popular state so I miss out on alot.
Help turn me on to some new [or old] music I may not have had a chance to hear.
I welcome your comments.

Herman's top indie records of all time :
___________________________________

17. P.J. Harvey -Dry
16. American Analog Set - The Golden Band
15. American Analog Set - Know By Heart
14. Halo Benders - God Don't Make No Junk
13. Sonic Youth - Evol
12. The Pixes - Doolittle
11. Sonic Youth - Goo
10. Neutral Milk Hotel - In An Aeroplane Over the Sea
9. Versus - The Stars Are Insane
8. Th' Faith Healers - Imaginary Friend
7. Yo La Tengo - And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
6. Modest Mouse - This is a long drive for someone with nothing to think about
5. American Analog Set - The Fun Of Watching Fireworks
4. The Pixes - Trompe le Monde
3. Sonic Youth - Sister
2. Th' Faith Healers - Lido
1. Stereolab - Emperor Tomato Ketchup

Herman Snell